Mama May I

A Giveaway! { Em bel' ish }

2012-01-27T16:00:00.007-07:00

Just in time for Valentine's Day, I'd like to welcome back a dear friend of mine and dedicated reader of this blog with a beautiful giveaway. Renee, the lovely and talented creator of Em bel' ish.

Renee creates ethereal jewelry and sells it at her Etsy shop as well as local markets. I've been lucky to call her my neighbor and friend for almost three years now. My collection of her pieces has grown substantially - I swear, there is not one single piece in her studio I wouldn't love to own. For Valentine's Day she's added a collection of heart necklaces to her Etsy shop that are simply beautiful and affordable {think Anthropologie or Sundance without the hefty price tag.} And for Denverites, Renee has started doing home trunk shows. If you're interested in mixing up cocktails and inviting your besties over for something really fun, you can contact Renee on Facebook for details and information about hosting a trunk show at your home. She also posts her up and coming market whereabouts and is equally as generous with her giveaways.

As a sweet valentine treat, Em bel' ish is giving away this beautiful necklace - Mexican fire opal nugget with a Peruvian opal drop - to one lucky reader. To enter, leave a comment, something about love, or fill in the blank right now I am loving ______.

Comments will be open from now through Wednesday, February 1st.

I'll start. Right now I am loving this quote. “When you learn, teach, when you get, give.” -Maya Angelou

And my new/old 1950's Foldex 20 camera, a gift from sister and brother-in-law. I'm waiting on a replacement spool and then it'll be good to go. Can't wait!

You?

Happy Weekend!
xo,
katie

Grey and Blue

2012-01-26T09:17:00.006-07:00

Yesterday I kept my camera close to me. Something about the day made me want to capture slivers. I think it was the quiet pace and the blue/grey tones, the combination of solitude and color matching exactly how I felt.

My dad is slipping away right now and soon I will be in Iowa with him. This week my days have been plagued with Hospice calls and contacting services for information about after-life care, which has left me feeling caught between two worlds and breathless at times. This week my days have also been filled with vivacious color which is my children and my family, an evening out to dinner with some of my best girlfriends, and short strolls essential for a dose of fresh air and deep breathing and small moments to stop and reflect on something as simple as a brown branch that made me think of a hand touching the blue sky, a high-five, infinite beauty.

:::

I feel as if I should leave you with a joke or something light, however, I'm not much of a joke teller. As time goes on I will be able to tell you more about what forgiveness means to me though, and that I truly believe we all have a restart button waiting to be pushed when we're ready to change the path of our life's story if that story needs some redirection.

And, the next time I'm back here I have something exciting to share with you...

Until then, be well.
Chat soon!

Musings

2012-01-24T13:49:00.002-07:00

Some days I look at my little ones and something is different. Of course I see them almost all day, every day, but sometimes I glimpse past their tiny fleshy bodies. I spot something deeper in their crisp blue eyes. I feel something more than the brush of perfect fingers on my face. Perhaps it is winter's pale veil, but lately I have been able to deeply see more of them, a gift for which I am very grateful.

Saturday Ramble

2012-01-21T17:50:00.002-07:00

It is late in the afternoon on a Saturday. I was just downstairs hanging out with my boys - all three of them. Fireplace aglow, two little bodies sprawled on the rug and one big body splayed in between. Me, savoring a latte sprinkled with cinnamon - go figure - in a cozy leather chair, reading the current Sunset magazine in between handing out markers from a tin and helping Theo spell words as he writes the letters in his notebook, and handing Sully a green marker per his request to draw an iguana {which happens to be something that terrifies him...working through it, perhaps?}

As these things tend to go when Eric's around, writing words and drawing lizards quickly replaced with dad games. Joyfully, I got up, grabbed my laptop and cup of coffee and moved cat-like straight upstairs to my desk, my window seat.

It has only been two months since I officially quit my job. Even though I was really only working one day a week by the end, it was one 10 hour day away from my job as mom. I never liked juggling our schedule or missing out on events but I sure did love that one day a week when I could free up some space in my head. I knew I'd miss it. I'm in no hurry to run out and get another job on a payroll that isn't my own, but I do need to keep working on etching out this space for myself. So for now, I slink away whenever an opportunity presents itself without a drop of guilt. This is good for me, good for my family.

:::

That little sandbox that Sully's playing with in my last post is this. A brilliant idea. My little ones love the pirate box too. We found ours at the local toy store but you can find them on Amazon {of course!}.

:::

The annual National Western Stock Show was a hoot again this year. John Deere still owns my boys' hearts but Ram took the gold this year by displaying a turbo diesel engine. I thought Theo was going to have a heart attack. Oh, the way he studied it, felt it...

Anyone who knows my little ones in non-blog life knows how much they love gloves. So it wasn't much of a surprise when they spotted a booth with kid gloves that they freaked out. Sully chose deer skin gloves and Theo chose goat skin gloves. Their first real leather gloves. The sweet woman who sold them to us exclaimed, "Wow, they are so cute and they really do like gloves don't they." She had no idea!

:::

Alas. It's time to log off and get dinner going, pour a glass of wine. Before I go though a quick bit about the book I'm currently reading. Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Have you read it? If so, I'd love to hear your thoughts. So far, I read along and tense up, then she'll write something that relaxes me and brings me back to my senses, and then I tighten up again. Thought provoking and poignant, for sure.

:::

One last pic before I jet..

Wishing you and yours a cozy Saturday night! xo

{this moment} and a bit of local news

2012-01-20T08:12:00.002-07:00

joining SouleMama this morning for {this moment}

:::

Some news! My new photography website is now up and running. Local friends, if you like what you see would you please help me spread the word. Hugs and kisses in advance. {click here to enter the site}

:::

It's Friday! We're going to go kick up some dust at the annual Western Stock Show. Woot!

Have a wonderful weekend! xo

Scrambling in the Right Direction

2012-01-17T09:02:00.002-07:00

I'm always waxing poetic nostalgia for the ocean, I know. But there's something to be said for breathing space that comes by way of trees kissing the pale blue sky. Something to be said for finding your breath and then inhaling and exhaling the majestic skyline, the one with snow-covered, silver-tipped mountain peaks. A sea of its own. From our home we look out at that sea daily. However, it takes approximately two hours to pack up our gear and family and car. Then it's another ninety minutes or so of incline and curving roads before we are pointed straight ahead, zooming in on a wall of silver covered with marshmallow white snow that takes up the entire view. Instantly, you realize all the hoopla it took just to get there was totally worth it.

Still, to reach that sea is a project. Which is why we usually hang close to home where the landscape is scrub and rock. Where we gather up very little to take with us. Where our little ones can manage a hike that's not overwhelming. For usually about one hour - the highlight being resting for a snack - they become scramblers and wanderers. I watch them with my mama-eyes of course, but mostly I breathe deeply and try to make sense of my problems, or on days like yesterday, I simply try not to think at all.

Last night at dinner, Theo asked if we could all hold hands and he'd say a blessing. This is not a norm at our table but Eric and I looked at each other and said what we were both thinking out loud, "Sure!" And he began...

Thank you for nature. Thank you for rattle snakes and fruit twists. God, I really love nature and so does my brother. Even though we did not find my helmet today - you know, a wolf probably ate it our something {shrugs shoulders}, I thank you again for nature. Amen."

Well, then. I do believe as parents, scrambling daily no matter what the terrain, we're doing something right.

*On a recent hike, Theo took one of his Playmobil dudes along and lost his white helmet in the white snow - hence his helmet reference. Oh, and tonight Sully has asked to bless us. I'll let you know how that goes. ;)

Photo Snippets, Words, and a Winner

2012-01-15T09:05:00.006-07:00

"Thanks for this day,
for all the birds safe in their nests,
for whatever this is, for life."

-Barbara Kingsolver

:::

Random.org chose comment #6

Sarah Jean - My youngest is in speech therapy and we are working on "f" sounds...thanks to countless hours in the kitchen together he has no problem saying the "f"-sound in "Sous-chef!"

I didn't know Liz had a etsy store. Thanks for sharing!

Sarah, please email me your snail mail when you get a chance. And, a huge Thanks! to Knitknot & Gumdrop.

:::

{this moment} from the archives! And still time to get in on the giveaway!

2012-01-13T09:26:00.004-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Inspired by SouleMama

Sully was 14 months old in this photograph; Theo was 3.

In early December I started a new project. After the boys went to bed at night I'd pour a glass of wine, grab my notebook and pen, and open every photo file I have saved. With fresh eyes and a new perspective, I viewed each and every photo. So many of them went to the "trash". Flowers and shots of the natural world, so many, too many. Kiddo shots that didn't work out. Almost everything I've done to date that has food in it. My intention for this project and what I was looking for was my work that I think is really good, my work that I really love for the depth of "story", the light, the angles and lines. As I came across these photos I brought each one back to its original image and then edited all over again. What I have now is a notebook full of dates and named photographs. Lists of what is in black and white and what is in color (more black and white these days for me!) Now I'm in the process of working each and every one of these photos into a new "big girl" website where there will be things like client proofing and package options which offer professional printing.

When I started this adventure photographing for others, I promised myself one thing. I would take my time and really figure it out - the way I felt meeting people I did not know, the way I felt photographing people I did not know - would I be able to capture the soul of the moment not just for my own kiddos but for others? And in all ways, as I find a comfortable place in my business zone, what would this really cost?

I suspected I would fall in love with this process and I did, indeed. With that focus and intention I'm moving forward. My new website should be up and running in the next two weeks. If you live in and around Denver and happen to really like my photography, perhaps you can help me spread the word.

:::

Also, if you haven't already left a comment to win a fabulous kiddo apron from Knitknot & Gumdrop there's still time. Comments close at midnight tonight and the winner will be announced over the weekend.

{click here} to enter.

:::

Happy Weekend! Bring it!

Kitchen Notes and a Giveaway!

2012-01-11T09:54:00.005-07:00

When Theo was only a month or so old, one of my fondest memories of him, of us, was his body, still in fetal position, nestled against my chest in a sling. It was during the month of May, our windows open, birds chirping. My hair was long and lustrous thanks to all those pregnancy hormones and my post-pregnancy body full and nourishing life in a new all-encompassing way. Barefoot in the kitchen, I moved gracefully gathering ingredients, stirring this and that. I was baking a loaf of homemade bread. I was a new mama still needing to nest. Batshit crazy tired, I felt more beautiful than ever before. I fondly recall looking down at my new babe, his head dusted with unbleached all-purpose flour. I felt right.

Pregnancy hormones long gone, babes in slings a memory as faint and beautiful as early morning mist. Now, almost five years later, my boys still hang in the kitchen with me daily. It's our thing. It's our spot. A baptismal dusting of flour on the head replaced with flour, well, everywhere. Huge messes, sometimes more than I bargain for in the "help" department. For now though I eat it up. I know a day will come when kicking a soccer ball out front with neighborhood buds will be so much cooler than hanging with me over boiling noodles and cake batter. I trust that as years go by it will be in the kitchen where we continue to meet, where we will continue to nourish our roots and grow. Each day a new memory. This place where I still feel right and trust that I always will.

When a friend of mine recently added kids' aprons to her shop, I instantly knew what I'd be giving my boys for Christmas. Not much of a surprise that they absolutely love them! In fact, once the cookies are in the oven, flour cleaned off counter and floor, the aprons stay on - for now they are capes, or art smocks, or little marsupials keeping Legos safe and warm.

Liz, the creative goddess behind Knitknot & Gumdrop started her Etsy shop "as a means of focusing my wildly, erratic, creative energy." Handmade and with love you can find simply adorable onesies, scrumptious bonnets, whimsical aprons, and more.

Generously, Knitknot & Gumdrop is giving away an apron to a Mama May I reader for your little one. Between now and Friday you can enter the giveaway by leaving a comment - a kitchen note. A link to a favorite recipe maybe...or a memory from the kitchen that you will always savor...or just that Knitknot & Gumdrop rocks!

Using random generator, I'll announce the winner over the weekend. {and you can choose your apron preference - boy or girl print)

:::

Knitknot & Gumdrop whereabouts: Shop, Blog, Facebook, Twitter

Bliss { weekending }

2012-01-08T15:45:00.003-07:00

It has been a glorious weekend.

First we had warmth, real warmth which means rolled up jeans and clogs sans socks, coats overkill. January? We trekked to our favorite Thai restaurant where we dined at a floor table, kneeling on soft cushions. Eric and I clinked Sapporo bottles over plates of pad thai and bowls of fragrant curry, and watched in awe as the littles devoured skewers of chicken sate, peanut sauce and cucumber salad.

Warm and full, we made our way back home and collapsed in a blissed out state of mind. Food, family, sunny warm January days...

Our new Saturday morning ritual is crepes. Friends, I will fess up: I don't make them from scratch. No! Ikea - frozen - buy bags at a time. Yes! Crepes are not difficult to make but these are so good and with no funky ingredients, a flash in the microwave, slathered with our favorite toppings, I'm quite smitten. With the crepes and the food market at Ikea (okay, all of Ikea).

Saturday afternoon, the littles settled down for naps and quiet time with Eric while I slipped out of the house solo. I wandered around one of my favorite Denver neighborhoods - the sky no longer blue but grey and heavy with snow - until swirls of fluffy flakes chased me to the car. My bag heavy with artisanal cheese and locally made cupcakes, my spirit relaxed and light, I went home.

Now it is Sunday. Fresh snow and another brilliant blue sky abound. I've rolled two batches of these out of the kitchen this morning (from scratch!). I fished my reggae collection out of the basement and finally loaded my iPod with what has been supremely lacking - the voice of Bob. Continuously today, I've been dancing around the house while I clean and rearrange furniture. Little glimpses here and there catch boys' eyes starring at me, smiling. So many things I want them to know about me...

It's a new week...!

:::

a note about the muffins: I did not use shortening and I made my own buttermilk using 1 tablespoon lemon juice in a cup of milk - let sit five minutes. Do make the vanilla butter, it's divine. I used a stick of butter and 2 teaspoons vanilla paste.

{this moment}

2012-01-06T12:52:00.001-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Inspired by SouleMama

I don't usually add words to these moments, but I have to tell you - this is Sully's latest and greatest most used phrase that I caught with a photo for once. "Don't see me, Mom. Just don't look at what I'm doing, okay?"

Um, Okay!

Happy Weekend to You!

Food for thought...

2012-01-05T08:36:00.002-07:00

I came across these words yesterday by Oprah. Oh, Oprah!

When people show you who they are Believe them.

Today, I'm still swirling these words around my mouth trying to figure out the taste, the texture. I read them at a time when I needed a little something more to make sense out of recent friendships fallen apart - something at this point in my life I would not have thought I'd bring to myself.

I'm also taking my time to feel these words because I don't always choose the right words to express my thoughts; At times I carelessly hurt or offend or come across in ways that are not my true self - something to be more mindful of.

Carry On {Today's Mama}

2012-01-02T08:53:00.001-07:00

One of the few ways I honored the wrapping up of last year (last year!) was spending a couple hours reading pieces I wrote here and over at Today's Mama during the course of the year. I rarely go back and read these pieces. Oh, to find the errors, and wish I would have said this or that clearer. Needless to say, our memories made me smile, and some of the writing made me do facepalms. Mostly, I felt really happy that I do this blogging thing.

In my writing I could see missing things, one of them being detail. I suppose in a way I use simple words to describe how I'm feeling in an attempt to not make this space too personal. I saw how I was hiding behind and therefore over using words like gratitude, blessed, let it be, letting it go, simply.

In an attempt to start the new year off in the direction I wish to go with my writing, I wrote a piece for Today's Mama that is quite personal for me. When I finished the piece I felt really good and really drained. Mostly, I felt terrified to "submit for publishing". This morning I read it with fresh eyes and thought - yes, I can do this.

You can click here to read Carry On...

Go!

2011-12-31T00:09:00.001-07:00

As I sit here tonight and reflect on all that was this year I feel...calm. I remember at this time last year feeling so tired. Make no mistake, with two little ones I still feel tired on a regular basis. This tired I speak of was deeper, stale. Slowly, as the months went on and winter passed and spring and summer, I began to feel something new. I stopped trying so hard, stopped thinking so much, and started letting things just be.

Without so much weight on my back, this new year I am looking forward to chasing what moves me most. I'm looking forward to tending my friendships, and making a bit more time for myself a priority. I'm looking forward to holding my little ones hands a bit less, and in other ways I will hold their hands more. I've dusted and cleared cobwebs. I've thrown out and reorganized. I have made more room. This stretching of my heart, this ache I feel when I think about how much I love my family and how much they love me back. It is so good.

Yesterday, I filled out my 2012 day planner. In the very front I wrote down these words from the Tao-te-Ching; a daily reminder.

Yield and overcome
Bend and be straight
Empty and be full
Wear out and be new
Have little and gain

Happy New Year! Go!

{this moment}

2011-12-30T09:08:00.000-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Inspired by SouleMama

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Thursday Chat

2011-12-29T10:15:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking I was really good this year because Santa did this Mama right. Each gift I received for Christmas was full of thought; each gift completely me. I didn't ask for anything - so to know that my loved ones really do know and love me well is pretty dang sweet.

:::

One of my new toys is a telephoto lens. In my mind, I have a "want" list for my photography passion. A nice zoom lens is on it - maybe like 3rd or 4th in the line up; creating a new professional-ish website with all the appropriate accoutrements taking up 1st and 2nd place, currently. And that new website along with where I plan on taking my portraiture photography this new year makes me feel like a girl with her toes dipped in the ocean, the sun shining on her back. To have my loved ones unexpectedly give me such a thoughtful gift that in my mind was still pretty far off just rocks.

A couple days ago we went to the zoo. Just before leaving I took my 50mm (my love!) lens off and put on my new 55-250mm. {click here if you're interested in the tech dirt} Other than the handful of photos I took at the zoo, I've only taken one other photo using this lens so far. I can't tell you too much about it yet except that I'm getting quite smitten.

Little child, little child, what do you see?

I see a grizzly bear looking at me!

While grizzly bears are supremely awesome, we all know that's not really my thing.

And here's one my hubby took unbeknownst to me. One I actually quite like...

:::

Anything new in your camera bag? Do share!

Merry!

2011-12-27T08:58:00.003-07:00

This morning, our house is eerily quiet. My sister and her family slipped out before the sunrise, cousins lugging blankets and heavy backpacks, piles of coats and boots, opened gifts and empty cookie tins, all back on the road heading home. I'm feeling a bit sad, but overall I feel more like this quote: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss

The kiddos are rich; their new wealth of Playmobil and Legos abundant. Santa was exceptional to all of us this year, but our true wealth is not in the gifts - it is in the cups of coffee with a splash of eggnog shared around the kitchen island, the making of snowballs and silly string chasing, sledding, making meals together and bottles of wine shared, card games late into the night, smiles on faces and warm hearts.

Perhaps I say it too much but we are very blessed and I am very grateful.

Now, a new year is right around the corner. So much to look forward to, so much to do. I'm looking forward to sharing bits and pieces with you as I bring my thoughts and ideas to fruition. Thank you for being here. Thank you for each and every comment - they warm my heart and fuel me to keep this space alive and well.

Grateful and blessed, yes!

Comfort and Joy

2011-12-21T09:34:00.004-07:00

The pace has picked up. Last minute planning, last minute making, readying for a full house. Today is the solstice! The sky is heavy with snow that will soon start to fall. A blanket of white will wrap itself around us again, the perfect backdrop to show off this time of year - which is purely magical - jazz and dazzle lending a hand to darkness until the light starts to shine through on its own again.

I must tell you - I felt badly for days after publishing this post. Who am I to boast, I thought. I know very well how busy this time of year is. I know so many who struggle with finding a balance during these harried days between long work schedules, holiday shopping, battling financial strain, juggling household duties, all while trying to be present with family...
I also must tell you that I've been there, and this is the first holiday season since having children that I didn't run myself and my family into the ground trying to be more than I could be. I'm learning to let things go and to Let it be. I'm learning that saying no isn't as frightening as it seems, and that less really is more.

It's all a bit chewy still - this business of owning feeling attentive and content. But, I'm game to tread in these waters. Perhaps you'll join me?

:::

Wishing you and yours a very joyous, very merry holiday! See you next week.

Blessings and Love,
Katie

A New Year's a Comin'

2011-12-19T15:19:00.001-07:00

It's taken me quite a few true winters to get into a groove that works for me. I've come a long way; these bones of mine made of Florida's sunshine, sand, ocean. Now, I savor these quiet days. Deeply, I think as I navigate my way through these mysterious months. I'm not really one to make resolutions each new year, however, I do ask myself: How do I do better this time? Mother. Wife. Friend. Daughter. Me. Never in the same order...

And what is better, anyway?

My better is being as present as I can be. My better is delving deeper into myself until I feel something visceral, something I'm sure I want to grab hold of and run away with into the light.

"Greetings", I say.

When I Was Dirt

2011-12-18T16:59:00.001-07:00

When I was dirt"...is how we begin a story that was before our time. Before we were born. Once we were dust and to dust we shall return. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. A cross on our forehead on Ash Wednesday to remind us this is true.
For a long time I believe my first moment of existence is when I jump over a broom. I remember a house. I remember sunlight through a window, sunlight with dust motes sparkling in the air, and someone sweeping with a corn broom. A pile of dust on the floor, and I jump over it. Feet jumping over a dust pile; that was when the world began.
When I was dirt is when these stories begin. Before my time. Here is how I heard or didn't hear them. Here is how I imagine the stories happened, then. When I was sparkling and twirling and somersaulting happily in the air.

from Caramelo
- Sandra Cisneros

:::

I am stunned that I've owned this book for years and pulled it from my shelves just days ago to read. Oh, how I've missed out. It's delicious! What good book have you pulled from the shelves recently?

{this moment}

2011-12-16T17:52:00.001-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
Inspired by SouleMama

Peace

2011-12-15T15:52:00.006-07:00

The days are being gentle with me. I am grateful.

For once I am not rushing during a holiday season to do this and that.

My gifts are bought - and so few this year because it's always overdone and I promised myself this time I would not...

My days are being spent with my little ones, as usual, only now we are savoring

time without a schedule, slow mornings and lazy afternoons - my favorite way.

I am baking, soup making, reading, catching up with my man after the littles drift off to dreamland.

For weeks and weeks, I envisioned these days and now they are here...

The days are being gentle with me. I am grateful.

Visions Of... {pinterest}

2011-12-13T14:41:00.003-07:00

If I'm here less, it's most likely because I am goofing around over at Pinterest. Really.

I signed myself up many months ago, however, I just started creating boards this week. Addicting.

Like I needed one more time consuming, computer related activity. But here's the thing: I've started working on our house. We (well, the builders) built our house almost three years ago. At the time, I was pregnant with Sully, Theo just a toddler, and one hundred other things going on. Truth be told - besides moving in, I had zero vision or energy to care about styling this space. Until recently. Here's where Pinterest comes in. Creating inspirational boards to help guide the process is just the push I need to get a clear idea and, more importantly, keep me from impulse purchases that would, no doubt, end up in the next "give away" box. And when you've got a style like mine - modern, rustic, organic, vintage, bohemian, minimalist, lover of texture and light, creamy whites and grey and yellow and red - well, a clear vision is a must.

:: Begin Styling ::

We have a deep, boring staircase. It has two windows in it - one at the top and one at the bottom. Up until yesterday, I still had $5 paper blinds from Home Depot on the windows. I know! To bring some much needed life to this staircase, I bought 2 yards of Dwell Studio fabric. I chose a fabric that's a bit busier than I'd normally pick with a medium scale print and colors I love to live with - cream, brown, grey, red. My mother-in-law brought her sewing machine over. I cooked her dinner in exchange for two window coverings. My kind of business! Today they are up instead of the crumbling paper. They still need some tweaking to get them the way I had envisioned, but they look great and are just the right "pop" we needed to bring some life to this space. Of course now all I can see is how terribly we need to paint the walls a warm grey/brown, swap out picture frames that no longer look right, find the right light fixture and art...

Looks like I've got some more pinning to do!

Hope you're having a swell day.
xo

Random Thoughts and A Fresh New Week

2011-12-12T09:49:00.008-07:00

Not long ago, I mentioned to my sister that I'd been thinking about ending this blog. Without blinking an eye, she said, "You can't."

Without giving it a second thought, I knew she was right.

It was early spring - 2007, my belly so full of a babe I would soon meet. My first born. He was due May 1st. And I was due to become a mama. My birthday is May 31st. The days in between of May flowers and promising warmth very dear to me. That's how I named this space Mama May I. It's me; complete. Mama. May. I.

I've declared many times that this space is reserved for happy moments, good things, pretty pictures, mostly. And, honestly, I do love to preserve those moments here. It is here where I "can" our days, seasons, years, and "put them up". It is a creative process I've grown to love; it's a process that's grown me.

My sister's flat insight was spot on. This space is very sacred to me. So is the need I'm feeling to do better, be better, honor myself more, and find a new comfort zone to write about it all, clearly. So if you happen to notice changes around here, some subtle and some not so subtle, it's just me - finding my new way around this space. Me, the keeper of stories.

Phew!

***

Last night I gave the boys a bath. Normally, this is my hubby's job but he was at a football game. {Do we need further proof around here that things have changed?!} I forgot how much I love to hang out with these two during tub time. Theo and Sully have formed this amazing bond, and recently. I'm talking within the last few months. If I had to take my best guess, I would say it is due to the fact that Sully is growing. He speaks in complete sentences, and clearly. They have conversations now. They play more together, and less side-by-side. They're dudes. They're buds. Their moments hot and cold, naturally. But in the tub they are sweet and simple. My mama-heart ate it up.

***
I'm also over here today.

It's a fresh new week. Happy Monday, friends!
xo

Musings

2011-12-09T08:37:00.002-07:00

It was a tough day. After the sun set and little bodies were warmly tucked into bed, I slipped into the tub. There is something to be said for soaking your not-wanted thoughts away. Soaking until you feel peace all the way down to your toes.

{inspired by habit}

A Boy and His Boat

2011-12-06T09:17:00.002-07:00

Theo.

He is strong-willed.

He is determined and driven.

Always has been.

At school we are told he is kind of shy

which is polar opposite of how he is at home,

yet I can see that he would be more quiet there.

This summer he discovered and fell in love with

boating.

He's equally interested in watercraft of all kinds, however, motored boats are his favorite.

He tells us he loves motors. Wants to know

exactly how they work.

Out of Lego's, cardboard, paper, tape, and glue

he spends time - focused, and builds his own motors and boats.

He discovered that his best buddy has a remote controlled boat.

Did I mention that Theo is equally infatuated with remote/radio controlled things?

Best pal, boat, remote control...

His Grandma and Grandpa were just here. Instantly, they figured out his passion.

Grandpa happens to be a lover of the sea himself, and boats. They were on board to get Theo

a radio controlled boat for Christmas - only a grandson knows how to work his grandparents over,

quickly.

The boat arrived at the same time our temperature dropped to an extreme low.

Days went by. Snow came and went.

He studied that boat. Studied the manual.

And when the snow finally ceased he begged us to

"Go Boating"

So we went. It was freezing, the sun setting. The lake half frozen.

We explained that it might not be the best idea.

But he is a determined child.

First five minutes or so - just brilliant.

And then he drove it right up on ice.

Stuck.

Out of reach.

He walked down the dock with his head down, silent tears streaming down his cheeks.

We didn't use words either. The point was made, and taken.

He found out for himself - which is almost always the only way he will really believe

(isn't it that way for all of us, really?)

that it wasn't a good time for boating as we told him.

The next thing we knew, he held his head back up.

He suggested that we go home and get a fishing pole, or his lasso.

He is always thinking.

But,

There wasn't time to go home.

The sun had already set. The temps plummeting.

We all worked quickly to gather hard chunks of snow.

With each toss of snow "rocks", we were able to loosen the ice around the boat

until both motors were back in the water.

Eric carefully drove it in and pulled it from the murky, frigid liquid.

We all walked home, our bodies physically hurting from the cold. But there was joy. A quiet joy.

It had been an adventure. A full story. A lesson learned.

Later that night, Theo expressed his gratitude for us and his boat, and he hugged us all for helping him get his boat back.

Theo.

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Winter Wonderland

2011-12-05T09:20:00.001-07:00

Sully and I did make it our for that walk last Friday. What was meant to be more of a stroll amongst sparkling branches while following plowed sidewalk paths, turned into more of a hike and romping in the prairie covered in white crunch. Wonderment and reason to pause - Delicate snowflakes suspended on steel. Icy crystals sitting gingerly atop slivers of grass, natures' glossy frills. It was magical. It was peaceful. It was just me and my little one and nature, and absolutely nothing else in the world mattered to me during that time.

:: Our walk in photos ::

Magical wishes to you today. Be well. Be warm.
xo

Snowy, Beautiful Friday!

2011-12-02T08:53:00.006-07:00

The snow came again. This morning our world is blanketed in white and wearing a layer of fog so thick I'm not entirely sure I couldn't just reach out and hold it to my cheek, a soft, ethereal veil. It is so beautiful outside right now that I am going to quickly tell you about our new favorite breakfast and then Sully and I are going to put on layers and layers of warmth and head out into this sparkling, beautiful day for a walk.

Awhile back when I was visiting my sister, she made baked french toast cups. Using a recipe from Rachel Ray, they were simple, warm, and delicious. Up until recently (read: frigid school day mornings), I had a good mix of quick and easy breakfasts to pull from, however other than oatmeal nothing I made was warm {and Sully doesn't eat oatmeal}. And then I remembered those baked french toast cups. I did a recipe search and ended up settling on one from the blog: Live.Love.Eat. It looked very simple with non-fussy ingredients and the option to add fruit. I've now made this recipe three times because we all love them. I double the recipe and keep the leftover cups in a freezer bag and reheat in the microwave for 30-40 seconds, drizzle with a little bit of warm syrup and voila - a quick, warm weekday breakfast.

Baked French Toast Cups with Fruit
(adapted from Live.Love.Eat)

4 slices whole wheat bread, cut into cubes
2 eggs
1/3 - 1/2 cup milk depending on how wet or dry you like your french toast
1 tsp. vanilla
1/4 tsp. ground cinnamon
dash of ground nutmeg

1/2 cup frozen or fresh blueberries or 1 apple, cut into cubes

*if using blueberries, I just fold in at the end. For the apples, in a medium skillet, saute apples with 1 tablespoon of butter and 1/4 tsp. cinnamon for about five minutes, or until soft. Set aside.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a medium bowl, whisk together the eggs, milk, vanilla, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Fold in bread cubes and fruit until well combined. Using a regular size muffin pan, butter or grease each cup and scoop mix evenly into cups. (Remember to double the recipe for 12 cups.) Bake for about 20 minutes or until set and lightly golden brown.

:::

Wishing you a happy weekend!
xo

{habit} november group pool

2011-11-30T07:55:00.000-07:00

Three school tours down, two to go. We're feeling conflicted and inspired, but mostly what we need to feel is hopeful. I think.

{Today's Mama}

2011-11-29T12:39:00.000-07:00

Hiya!

Today I am over here.

C'mon over for a visit if you'd like.

What Are Little Boys Made Of?

2011-11-28T15:03:00.008-07:00

The first time I heard the news that I was growing a boy babe in my belly, I was, well, ambivalent. Not so much because the baby was in fact a boy but because my intuition was off. I happen to be one of those people who puts a lot of faith in "gut feelings". I was sure I was growing a pink baby. For months after we'd learned about our blue bundle, I'd ponder what it would mean to raise a boy.
I'd wonder sometimes, sweat dripping down my arms, what on earth I'd do with a boy. Me, earthy yet girly.

I was out shopping with my mom the other day. In front of me at the check out counter was a woman and her daughter whom I'd peg to be about Theo's age. The little girl was clutching a Hello Kitty gift set in her hands. It had a watch, two nail polishes, and a charm necklace. It sparkled. I felt my heart skip a beat. A few weeks earlier I was browsing kids' crafts at the fabric store when I spotted them - books and books of paper dolls.

Yes, my intuition was off. And now I can see that my heart was even off for a while. I'd be a liar if I said I never thought about what it would feel like to hold a daughters' hand.

Boys! Have I told you how much these boys love to be in the kitchen? They cook and bake by my side with frequency. They are fine gardening companions. Even better outdoor enthusiasts and adventurers. Every so often they will play with one of my old Cabbage Patch dolls. Their idea of playing with dolls is to sit down on a chair, lift their shirt, baby cradled in their arms, and "feed the baby milk". Only to catch a glimpse of them hours later swinging the doll around by its hair. Theo tells me that he'd rather play the guitar than be on a soccer team. And they love to climb.

These boys, they are getting bigger and older and their lives feel less mine now that I don't need to take care of their every need. The thick as honey words of Kahlil Gibran sticking to my heart - Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. Their moments are beginning to feel more personal, not always mine to share. Our little family unit is growing up in so many ways.

As much as I wanted to, I didn't buy any paper dolls that day. And that mama did not let her little girl get the Hello Kitty gift set. Sugar and spice and everything nice. Frogs and snails and puppy dog tails...it doesn't matter so much, I think. We all just want to love our children as they are and trust that in our bones we, as parents, are equipped to take each step as it comes with humble grace.

The ambivalence I had originally felt when Theo was nestled in my womb has been replaced with awe and admiration. In April, I will have mothered boys for five years. And even though my heart melts from time to time when I see the coolest girl stuff ever, I know deep down in my soul that I was made to mama boys. I freaking love this job. I rock this responsibility. There will be no better task for me in this lifetime. Plus, my boys love Lip Smackers so I don't feel entirely left out.

Thanksgiving Snippets

2011-11-26T16:52:00.000-07:00

Has everyone recovered from the food coma? Hope so! See you back here next week. :)

Bird Is The Word

2011-11-24T09:25:00.001-07:00

a quick pop in today to wish you and yours a happy day.
between all the cooking and making and eating and celebrating, I wish you a moment or two to quietly reflect all that is.
happy thanksgiving, friends. and thank you so very much for visting here and sharing this space with me.
it means a lot.

warm love,

katie

{habit} november group pool

2011-11-23T07:06:00.000-07:00

Gathering, spoons swirling, laughter, all in gratitude today. Tomorrow we will celebrate, thankful and blessed.

:::

A bit of this and that

2011-11-21T09:46:00.002-07:00

Theo - "Mom, can I have another orange {Cutie}?

Me - "Really, Theo? You've already had four..."

Theo - "Yeah, Mom. They're just so good. I don't even know how I like these so much."

Me - "Well, probably because when you were in my tummy I ate about 20 pounds of them."

Theo - "Ewww, Mom. Don't say that. I was not in your tummy - that is so gross!"

Me - "You were in my tummy, bud. When I was pregnant with you I had a serious addiction to Cuties. That could be why you love them so much."

Theo - "Seriously, Mom. How would I have fit in your tummy? Look at me. That is just so gross."

:::

At night, after the kiddos have gone to bed, I sit downstairs and have a treat. Lately, I find my treat by raiding a bag of Halloween candy. Not anymore though. Cuties are back and I am smitten.

:::

The holidays are back too. I just love this time of year!

Our family is here and more to to come this week. Our house if full.

:::

This weekend was
watching my mom teach the boys how to make paper airplanes.
Watching grandpa help them find paperclips to weigh the planes down for a better flight.
Long chats and menu planning in front of the fire and egg nog lattes in our hands.
Family walks to lunch - mom and pop restaurants - where my kiddos devour thin bricks of sheep's milk feta, buttery pitas, creamy hummus and radishes sliced thin as a sheet of paper.
My kids eating radishes!

Right now I am feeling so blessed to have this time with my family. Time for our days to be slowed down and spontaneous. Time to cook for those I love, candles flickering, wine in hand, laughter, a game of cards or dominoes, watching the littles love on my mom and stepdad and them loving right back.

So much to be thankful for, so looking forward to this week.

:::

Be well today, friends!
xo

Shared Moment

2011-11-19T09:19:00.000-07:00

Good morning, friends!

A friend of mine sent me this video. I loved it so much that I want to share it with you because I think you'll love it too.

{click here to watch}

Happy Saturday!

Breathing Space

2011-11-17T10:09:00.000-07:00

Between last week and this week we've had very little going on. Earlier in the month when I sat down to schedule our days, I clearly saw an opportunity I was not going to pass up - the potential to do very little each day between November 6th and Thanksgiving. The only exceptions I've made to give up this quality time were for a few photo shoots, school tours for an up and coming kindergartner, and cooking club with some of my favorite gals.

When I look ahead and see these openings in our days, and in this case our weeks, I get giddy. I know there will be time to do all of our favorite things: go to the library, take walks, cuddle time, try new recipes, work on house projects, play with the little ones, and carve out much needed time for myself. In other words, these days have been pretty dang blissful; pockets of breathing space.

While Theo was at school earlier this week, Sully and I worked around the yard. He shoveled dirt in our now bare garden bed, nature's best tillers, while I snipped hollow brown stems and watched almost in disbelief as zinnia petals and black eyed susan's turned to dust before hitting the cold, grey ground. Later that afternoon the boys begged me to paint. Never one to miss an opportunity to be outside, I set them up in the warmth of the sun, and my twist on this day was to use the dried up zinnias and black eyed susan's as our brushes.

We talked about texture. I noticed that Theo in particular painted slower than he would with a proper paintbrush. It seemed like he was trying to feel the process. Sully wasn't as mesmerized by the "brushes". Right now he's really in to the paint, how things feel directly on his skin.

Out of everything I have going on these days, everything that interests me, nothing beats watching my little ones discover. Next up on the art project list - making turkeys for our Thanksgiving table. The twist - Theo wants to use small toy cars dipped in paint to "drive" on the turkeys. Bright, colorful, tire shredded turkeys...it's going to be a beautiful table.

Still a handful of blank canvas days ahead of us. Time to just be. What will we do? Where will we go? We'll see...

{habit} november group pool

2011-11-16T08:26:00.011-07:00

I was up late last night tending to my thoughts. This morning I am tired yet ready, the promise of a new day already lightening my load.

Guides

2011-11-14T07:57:00.003-07:00

Do you remember a time in your life when something as simple as the arrival of the Friday garbage truck brought you so much happiness?

When things in my own life get touchy, when I'm not sure how long to hang on to a thought that doesn't sit calmly in my gut, I needn't look far for the answer. It's the simple things...

:::

Happy Monday! xo

Doing Reading Listening Baking

2011-11-10T09:30:00.001-07:00

Can one ever really get enough of autumn strolls? I think not. As the days become shorter and the golden light begins to fade, we try to suck every drop out by taking late-afternoon strolls. Some days we go far - maybe even venture down into the creek. Other days we don't make it much past our home. I'll take either way as long as we're outside - enjoying, noticing.

I've been giving up computer time in the afternoons while my kiddos nap/quiet time for hands curled around a cup of earl grey with a splash of milk and a dash of sugar and this mesmerizing book. I almost forced myself to stay awake late into the night last night to finish it but decided to close it and savor the ending today.

I've been poring over foodie magazines with anticipation and excitement. We are hosting family at our house this year for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and we are a family that loves to cook, bake and eat.

Happiness to me is dancing around our kitchen while the little ones hang out around our island - the heart of our home - or play nearby. It is usually in the mid to late afternoons when I bake and I almost always listen to music. Currently, I can't get enough of this trio. If you're not familiar with them, you can listen to the samples on this link. They make me want to grab a pair of fine boots, a comfy sweater, a bottle of red wine, and all my favorite people. Happy, fall-ish music!

Doesn't Sully look so cold? Don't worry. I brought him inside and fed him our current favorite cookies, warm and crisp right out of the oven.

Think peanut butter cookie, crisp around the edges, soft in the center. With apples! and spices! that chant fall goodness until you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Peanut Butter Apple Cookies
(adapted from Midwest Living)

1/2 cup shredded apple (I use honeycrisp apples)
1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
1 egg, lightly beaten
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup canola oil
2 tsp. vanilla
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/4 cup wheat germ
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp. baking soda
1/2 cup salted peanuts, chopped (I place in a cloth napkin and pound them out with a meat tenderizer)

1. In a large bowl, combine shredded apple, peanut butter, egg, brown sugar, oil, and vanilla. Mix well. Add flours, wheat germ, baking soda, and cinnamon. Stir until combined. Add crushed peanuts and mix well.

2. Drop dough by the tablespoon on cookies sheets. Using a fork, lightly press down on each cookie making a criss-cross pattern. Sprinkle with sugar (I use Demerara sugar) and bake for 11 to 13 minutes. Let cool slightly.

3. Grab your favorite people to share them with, make a cup of tea or coffee or pour a glass of milk, and devour!

What are you reading, listening to, baking these days? Any autumn rituals such as daily walks with your family? Do share!

{habit} november group pool

2011-11-09T07:51:00.000-07:00

Suddenly it became obvious to me that what I really need to be deep cleaning, purging, organizing is my life, not my home.

Peace

2011-11-07T15:40:00.072-07:00

One year ago, I stood on the curb at the airport with my carry-on, blowing kisses and bracing myself for what I thought would be a shattered heart. It took more than I will ever be able to tell you to turn my back on my family and walk through those doors because the simple act of turning on my heels and propelling myself forwards was much more than walking through those doors to catch a flight.

As it would turn out, that single act released a deep-seated fear in me. When I did finally move forward, I looked back and watched as our car - my family, my all - drove away. In that instant, a million white doves flew up and out of me, and like a late fall leaf, slightly weathered yet vibrant and beautifully colored, I floated into the terminal.

Last Thursday I found myself on that curb again, and the doves were there, and the leaves fell all around as I blew kisses to my family and watched them drive away. Fear did not visit me this time, only the anticipation of mending and care-taking.

Like last year, I had my sister with me again. These trips to Iowa, so uncertain, have become the exact therapy we all needed. In between the fixing and feelings there's quality time spent catching up on my life and hers. There's a fine hotel with an exceptionally good restaurant. There's a Panera for mornings. I was even able to spend a family night back in Kansas. And there was a photo shoot!

:::

Now, I am home and catching back up here. I am even more thankful for being able to move forward, finding peace and forgiveness, not only in my life but for my Dad, too. I have been able to recognize and understand that feelings of anger, fear, and resentment take up so much more space than forgiveness, and peace is so much lighter to carry. For that, during this month that celebrates gratitude, I am fully present and thankful, and hope to be always.

I'm looking forward to catching back up with you this week, too. I'll be back on Wednesday for {habit} and then again this week because I want to tell you about what I'm reading and listening to (lovin' both!), and share a recipe for our current favorite cookie.

Soon! Until then, lots of love & light out there. xo

{ habit } November Group Pool

2011-11-02T09:26:00.002-07:00

Wasn't it just yesterday that his fingers were dainty, velvety curls of flesh, and only opening just slightly to wrap around the warmth of me?

:::

habit, one of my favorite blogs, is hosting a group pool on flickr this month. If you're not already familiar with habit, it is a collection of non-posed everyday photography - each photo with a snippet of thoughtful and inspiring words. I found out about and began following habit a couple of years ago when I started reading and loving this blog {which I still read and love!}

This fun project came at just the right time for me. Coming up on five years five years! of writing this blog, you'll start to notice me switching it up a bit around here. Mostly what you'll start to see is more of me now - which is still loving to write about and photograph my kiddos, but more of me - mostly because I have time for myself again these days and I'm reaching out and rediscovering who I am and what drives me {starting next week when I'm 100% non-employed for the first time since I was 14!}

For now, though, back to habit. This blog has a very select group of contributors, but this month they have invited all of us photog lovin' folks to play along. I'm going to contribute a photo every Wednesday during November. I'll post it here as well. I also thought it would be really fun to see your photos if you're sharing in the group pool. You can leave a link here in the comments for all to see.

Deets:

info about group pool

my { habit } November photostream set

flickr group pool

Fun, right?! Who's playing with me?

ps...My friend Lillian of Domestic Simplicity is playing along and very inspiring! Be sure to peek in on her photostream.

pss...I'll be away from the blog until next week. So be well, have fun, stay safe, eat some pumpkin pie! :)

Snippets {trick or treat}

2011-11-01T08:08:00.000-07:00

Another fabulous Halloween celebration! And now to brace for another snow storm...
Oh yeah, Happy November!
xo

Weekending

2011-10-30T14:29:00.014-07:00

devilishly delicious coffee

jack-o-lantern carving

pumpkin seed roasting

costume readying

honey colored days

abundant

:::

{joining a handful of my favorite bloggers in this weekly tradition}

I Click Less

2011-10-28T08:08:00.001-07:00

I'm behind the lens just as much, however, I'm watching more, waiting. My camera, this extension of myself, helps guide me to tell the stories I want to be telling most. Now, there's motion, a strong intention and it's moving me forward with my creativity, with my art. I'm clicking less and I'm clicking more.

:::

Warm love this weekend, friends.
xo

The First Snow

2011-10-26T16:53:00.000-07:00

The first snow of the season is always so entrancing.
It came in the night.
I watched this morning as tiny hands pulled back curtains,
their expressions captured forever in my heart.
A mug of peppermint hot chocolate with toasty marshmallows for the soul.

And speaking of hot chocolate, Sullivan had his very first cup today.
He got very quiet at first taste, licked his lips a bit. More and more my little ones shadow my own heart in the kitchen.
We baked honey muffins with this multigrain baking mix that I love.
Coats, snow pants, long underwear, gloves, boots, hats, two sparked boys, a sled, and one mama - hiked to the park. Oh, the thrill of sledding. On the way home we were silent, mostly. The world around us frozen, suspended in beauty, us, too.

One child walked himself to his room, blanket in hand and more than ready to sleep.
The other child sat in front of the fire building bolts, trucks, and launchers.
I wrapped myself in my grandma's quilt and curled up on the couch with the latest issue of Bon Appetit.
Now, a pot of soup is simmering on the stove for our dinner tonight.
And we will watch our frozen world thaw, creaking back into autumn again.

::::

Mama Talk - Good Manners

2011-10-25T08:15:00.000-07:00

My friend and her son were over yesterday. Theo was explaining how he charges his remote controlled car to her. When she told him how amazing it is that he knows so much about his car he tilted his head a little to the left where the tip of his shoulder touches the corner of his smile and said, "Yeah, thanks. I'm all natural.", and he walked off.

While Sully was taking his nap yesterday, I looked over and saw Theo curled up on the couch. He was building Legos but at some point, without my even noticing, he moved to the couch. I saved my work on the laptop then quickly shut it. I knew exactly what he'd want - a bowl of freshly popped popcorn, not hot but warm, and buttery, just the way he likes it. I curled up on the couch with him and we shared a bowl of popcorn and time, uninterrupted to just chat and catch up. I leaned in and kissed the top of his head, whispered in his ear, "Hey Theo, I really love you. Thank you for being here." With a quick shrug of his shoulders as if to say aww, it's nothin', he replied, "It's my fortune, Mom. My fortune."

::::

I think he was thinking - I'm a natural, and it's my pleasure - however, I did not correct him. I simply smiled because his intentions are in the right place.

Tumbleweed

2011-10-23T20:28:00.000-07:00

Every day last week I walked by the same tumbleweed, suspended in my neighbor's rose bush. And every time I saw it I stopped for a quick moment...something about it. Finally, I pulled it from the bush this weekend and placed it in better light and this is what I captured

::::

Nature Walks

2011-10-21T13:03:00.004-07:00

The little ones have pushed cushions off of the couch. They have pulled pillows from all over the house. Blankets have been brought out and cheese wrappers litter the floor. Our living room that I tediously clean daily is trashed. I know I wear an expression that does not suggest I am happy about this. But the truth is - I love that they have this creative energy.

The couch - which is now a mixture of cushions and pillows topped with a blanket - I am told, is a "bat house". The wrappers on the floor cannot be thrown away for they are "bat poop". Little bellies heaving as they giggle in unison about the bat poop, little lizard-like legs disappearing quickly into the cushions.

I adore that energy but I can only take it for so long. Then we go outside. In autumn we take long afternoon walks. This week we've been collecting leaves in Theo's lunchbox and bringing them home to use in art projects. Theo's class also went on a nature walk this week. They collected bits and pieces in their "nature" bags and brought them back to school to journal about today. Have I ever mentioned that I would really love to go to Theo's school?

Happy weekend!
xo

Fall Full and Coq Au Vin

2011-10-18T17:39:00.003-07:00

Our local dairy delivered egg nog to us this week. Egg nog! Already! So if this post reads all blissed out, it's because I'm high as can be on egg nog lattes (just coffee - no booze in my egg nog!). I'm also vibrating at a higher frequency these days due to family visiting, retreating back inside - more time with just my family, falling leaves, warm colors, holy light, baked treats dotting counter's top, meat braising in the dutch oven, a thousand delicious scents on the wind.

Have I ever told you that my boys are picky eaters yet ravenous carnivores? Yep, they are. Little meat lovers! Expensive little buggers! I only cook meat of some kind a couple of times a week and then we work the leftovers into other dishes. For one, I don't like the idea of consuming animal protein seven days a week. For two, we only buy organic meats and grass fed beef, and it's expensive {and we can't afford to eat it every day.} For three, I did plan on sharing my recipe for coq au vin here today but I didn't think I'd spill the beans on our meat consumption/standards of buying.

Moving on.

My sister-in-law and nephews were just here. I couldn't resist photographing them one day in this gorgeous light we now get most late afternoons. Beautiful boys; beautiful mama.

Actually, dreamy fall afternoons make me want to photograph everyone and everything. Including this pic of my hubby. I married him. Yes, I did!

Autumn, harvest, comfort food, cozy home, family...More please!

Coq Au Vin
(adapted from Bon Appetit)

5 Bacon slices
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts - cut in halves
4-5 shallots or 1 medium onion, sliced in big chunks
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 cup cherry tomatoes, rinsed
1 cup crimini mushrooms, halved
1 1/2 cups dry red wine
1 1/2 cups chicken broth
1 tbsp. dried parsley (or 3tbsp fresh Italian parsley)
1/4 cup flour

In a dutch oven over medium heat, cook bacon until crisp. Transfer to a plate and set aside. On another plate, coat with flour. Coat each piece of chicken with flour and place in the dutch oven. Generously salt and pepper. Brown on each side - about 4 minutes. Transfer to plate with bacon. Place onions in dutch oven and saute for about 6-7 minutes. Add garlic and saute another 2-3 minutes. Add red wine and stir after 1 minute, scraping all brown bits from the bottom of the pan. If using tomatoes and mushrooms, add now. Place chicken and bacon back in the pan. Add chicken stock and parsley. Cook over medium-low heat for about 25-30 minutes or until chicken is cooked through.

While the coq au vin is cooking, I boil water and cook a batch of egg noodles. My little ones love egg noodles so that's why I use them. Roasted fingerling potatoes are excellent to serve with this dish as well. And because I'm a huge gorgonzola fan, I top our bowls with a few crumbles to add another layer of depth to the dish. Of course a hunk of warm crusty bread, too.

Yum!

Sullivan

2011-10-16T21:36:00.006-07:00

I turned on my side to gaze outside. Birds flew by, though I cannot recall what kind they were now. Black comes to mind. Or maybe even dark brown. City birds. The sun was streaming in through the windows, my womb contracting freakishly. The monitor behind me created the audible sound coming from within me, a purr to keep me calm as I rode the waves.

thumpthump thumpthump thumpthump

Twice now I have listened to that sound as I awaited the arrival of my babes. Forever, I will tell you there is no better sound.

"Push, push! You're doing it! Puusshh!"

For a moment I faltered...

"What a head of hair he has!"
"Mama, do you want to reach down and feel his head?"
"Great job, mama. You're doing a great job."

And then...

He was handed to me. I laid him on my chest, over my heart. I pressed my nose into his head, tender and primal. For a moment, in that birthing suite, it was just me and him and the city birds.

"Train is a comin', oh yeah. The train is a comin', oh yeah. The train is a...Mommy, Mommmyy, you going to come get me?"

"Good morning, Mommy. I just pooped."

Theo had a sleepover at his grammy's house last night which meant we had Sully all to ourselves. We have not had this much time with just Sully since he was born.

He's two years old but because of big brother, he thinks he's on his way to five. He says poop, a lot and I love you. He plays with my very tired looking Cabbage Patch {Preemie} Doll Burgess Miles. Sometimes he's tender with the doll. Sometimes he's not. Brother can climb - the kind of climbing that makes a mama's belly ache from fear. He loves to sing. He is a comedian.

If I get quiet enough, if we are both still, I can feel his heart beating next to mine like I did in those first few moments of his life on this side. Little bird-like flutters; a bird who still stays near his mama's nest but is curious enough to fly. My bird.

We didn't waste a drop of our time with him this weekend. We ate it all up and it was delicious.

***

How about you? A delicious weekend? Do tell!

Growth and Gratitude at the Pumpkin Patch

2011-10-14T13:32:00.042-07:00

Since Theo was six months old we've been going to a rather large local harvest festival every October. This year we decided to skip the festival and go to a smaller festival with friends which, on the day we were to go, was rained out. The next available day to go as a family turned out to be a gorgeous fall day - with one problem. The pumpkin patch we were talking about going to was another large festival and I wasn't up for a big all-day event. I wanted a small-ish pumpkin patch and then I wanted to come home and cook a proper Sunday meal for my family, run in the sun, sip a glass of wine on the front porch at twilight.

I almost talked myself out of what I really wanted to give my little ones - a low-key deal for what I thought they'd want - the big deal. Festivities, crowds, a sea of pumpkins, the enchanting corn maze, cider donuts (okay, that was a bit more for me), horse rides, a bouncy castle. I feared I wasn't going to give them enough. I mean, it is only once a year that we go to a pumpkin patch. But then I thought about the work we do in our garden - the growing and harvesting, the fall baking and our dinners at the family table lit by candlelight; each day a mini celebration. I stuck with my gut feeling.

We went to a small pumpkin patch not far from our home. No festivities. Just a lake of pumpkins, a wheelbarrow and some quality family time. They never even mentioned the big festival from years past. At one point I looked up at the sky. I could hear my boys laughing. I wasn't looking at him but I could see my husband's handsome smile. Recently, I read that writers usually have an underlying subject they continually seem to write about. I hadn't thought much of it until this day. Clearly, in that moment, I saw my subject. I looked up at the sky and whispered, "I am grateful."

This year's pumpkin gathering day was a great reminder to me. I remembered that tradition is what we make of it, however we want to make it. We don't always have to do the same thing each year and celebrations don't always have to come in the form of big festivals, crowds, dust (although it never hurts to have a cider donut stand no matter how small the event.)

The children ran up and down the rows of pumpkins, the crisp autumn air kissing their cheeks, falling leaves chasing them like butterflies. I took them in, looking hard enough to see the depth of who they are because what I realized I love most about our annual trip to any pumpkin patch is measuring their growth, picturing them in rows of pumpkins last year and the year before and so on, seeing the change in my mind's eye and my heart. It is mostly quiet in the pumpkin patch now. The sun is beaming down on us. Just as clearly as I could see my gratitude, I could see that we are thriving.

***

Wishing you and yours a moment this weekend to gather, reflect; a moment of gratitude. xo

Long Monday

2011-10-11T22:40:00.003-07:00

Here I've been gabbing about writing lately yet I didn't tell you about the most important piece of writing I did.

I wrote and sent my letter of resignation.

One could argue "what's all the fuss" since I've been working rather minimally since the birth of Sully. But this work of mine meant a lot to me for many reasons. A totally stand up company; two extraordinary maternity leaves; health insurance for our family and, more importantly, for Theo. Health insurance so great that 90% of Theo's craniosynostosis treatment was covered and we were free to travel the country in search of the very best care for him we could find. Just typing that makes my eyes tear. The gratitude. Of course there's also my work-family that's become more family over the years and less work.

But.

I've been holding on too tightly to this piece of me that still dwells in this place. I finally got that.

The day Theo was born I was pretty sure I would quit two weeks after I returned from my maternity leave. Two weeks after my maternity leave Theo was diagnosed with craniosynostosis. I held our family's health insurance. Quitting was no longer an option, just prayer.

Goodness, I kind of laugh about it now. Not the stress, the miracle of answered prayer.

I can't really touch on how blessed I feel, how grateful I am to have this time home with my family, how I wish...there are just no words that work.

Instead, I'll leave it at thank you and please excuse me while I kiss the sky.

I wonder if The Pioneer Woman needs any assistants? Kidding (sort of)!

Do you know the John Prine song Long Monday? I've been singing it in my head all day.

***

lots of love out there.

Small Things

2011-10-10T14:38:00.000-07:00

This morning, alone in the kitchen, I sat with my hands wrapped around a warm cup of coffee. I looked over and saw the "motorcycle with a sidecar", still. My little ones not yet awake. It's the small things that warm my heart, truly.

...one more thing

2011-10-06T19:50:00.001-07:00

Hiya!

Not quite sure if I've ever posted twice in a day before...

Anyway, the piece I wrote {and just blogged about below} published tonight.

{Click here to read if you'd like}

Wishing you a great weekend!

Sundays at the Coffee Shop

2011-10-06T14:08:00.002-07:00

I had a date with myself last Sunday afternoon. At the last minute I almost bagged it, my thinking something like this: It's Sunday. It's gorgeous outside. My family is all together.

And then Sully went down for his nap. Eric and Theo seemed to be content having some one-on-one time together. So I did something I never do. I put my laptop in my bag and went to a coffee shop. To write.

At first I felt so young and silly sitting there with my pumpkin spice latte and laptop. "This isn't my life anymore," I thought to myself. Feeling lost in my thoughts, the music too loud, studying the urban hipsters seated all around me, I suddenly went from feeling young to feeling beige.

I edited photos, and then unexpectedly ran into a good friend who sat down and had coffee with me. Two and a half hours later, I went home to my family, relaxed and happy. I didn't write a single word.

My Muse showed up yesterday while both of my little ones were napping (a rare occurrence these days.) She came to the tunes of Gillian Welch and Johnny Cash, sprinkling my thoughts with sugar and spice. She came on a gentle breeze through my dining room windows where I sat, sipping a fine latte made right here at home, honing my story until I heard her whisper in my ear, "It is finished."

I'm fairly certain home is where I'll most likely end up honoring my writing self most of time. But you can bet I'll be back at the coffee shop next Sunday afternoon. I might even wear something colorful and order a chai.

These Days

2011-10-04T21:03:00.005-07:00

I am

Loving loving this Indian Summer

Wearing a pair of red ankle boots I found marked way way down on the Anthropologie sale shelf

Really wanting this necklace

Pulling classics from my shelves; reading To Have and Have Not - Ernest Hemingway

Dinners out with friends again sans littles. On this night - red ankle boots, burnt red lip liner smudged then slightly glossed, perfume, my favorite clutch. Savoring Pumpkin pasta stuffed with roasted pumpkin, arugula and gorgonzola cheese, served with sundried cherries and pancetta drizzled with a light marsala butter finished with candied walnuts, in between sips of red wine and laughter that comes from deep in the belly shared with a dear friend

We are

Taking our afternoon walks again

Wearing flip flops still

Making pumpkin waffles with warm maple syrup

Decorated for Halloween and season's change

Creating at the art table which is back in action for months spent indoors. Gushing over Sully's latest drawings. Today I asked him to tell me about his art and he said his painting was called 3 Miles. I wrote his name and age on the back to be tucked away between the flutters of my heart because that is one drawing I want to keep forever

In between sips of creamy latte, turning a stack of magazines' pages, cooking, I am usually listening to this while my little ones piece together Lego's nearby

And I am nostalgic, remembering the days my brother and I used to do that, our mother nearby keeping her mama-eyes on us

Speaking of mama-eyes, mine are reading a packet titled "How to choose an elementary school for your child"

Which kind of makes me in denial

It's all good though. I'll come around. I always do.

***

When I Am Among the Trees

When I am among the trees,

especially the willows and the honey locust,

equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,

they give off such hints of gladness.

I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,

in which I have goodness, and discernment,

and never hurry through the world

but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves

and call out, "Stay awhile."

The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, "It's simple," they say,

"and you too have come

into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled

with light, and to shine."

Mary Oliver

***

I Take Pictures

2011-10-03T13:20:00.001-07:00

I am not a photographer - per say. I have no formal training which in my mind makes a pro. So when I use the term 'photographer' in reference to myself what I am saying is this: I take photographs. Photography is my art of choice. I am creating and doing and searching behind the lens. And it feels so right that I'll own my words.

And you? What is your 'art'? What is it that you are currently creating that weaves its way straight into your soul?

{click here to view this gallery}

Happy crisp, gorgeous Monday, friends. xo

Up Close

2011-09-30T13:18:00.018-07:00

You all know I'm a sand, sunshine, wave lovin', warm-blooded gal, right? But here's a little secret about me: I really love autumn.

As much as I miss my salt life, I truly appreciate and have grown to adore living somewhere where seasons actually mean something other than just a little too cold to swim in the ocean today.

(But I do not like February very much just to be clear.)

It'll be a few more weeks before the burnt oranges, reds and browns really pop, but the golden light - it's here.

My newest love is also here - came in the mail last week: A 50mm lens. If you've been following this blog for any length of time then you already know how much I love to photograph the natural world. And even more than photographing a landscape or dreamy sky, I love to get close. Usually it's a single detail or two I'm most interested in. In the detail is where I relocate to my center; where I find my light.

So far the photos I've downloaded taken with my new lens have caught me by surprise. I don't really know how to explain it other than I can somehow see my deeper into my own life. And I suppose you'll be seeing more photos of me around here because Theo is getting really into using the camera. He took this photo of me yesterday while we were curled up on the couch together having quiet time. I love this picture for two reasons. I love that Theo took it. Even more, I love that it reminds me so much of my face in a photograph Eric took of me just hours after Theo was born, which without a doubt was the most glorious day of my life up to that point.

Lots of love out there this weekend! xo

Sleepy

2011-09-29T07:40:00.000-07:00

Right now it is early morning. Our house just ten minutes ago was something not unlike a swirling dervish of milk gulping, cereal bar eating (ahem), quick dressing, sloppy kisses complete with a door closing as softly as the sound of our toes licking the carpet, step by step, when we first awoke and made our way downstairs, down into this day.

I've come here to my computer more than once this week only to find myself looking at the keys, waiting for thoughts to synchronize, to begin their dance with plastic letters but nothing has come about. And not because there isn't anything inside of me that I wish to compose.

I think it's the reality of this week that has kept me quiet, soft. I've been putting our garden to rest; pulling plants; settling veggies that didn't fare well into the compost pile; all the while watching my littlest out of the corner of my eye - growing, gaining, flowering, which is quite a juxtaposition to the leaves which are loosing their vibrancy, the flower petals which are falling off, the plants which were full and feeding us just weeks ago.

Each fall that I have lived in the West I've been stung to the core, left quiet as I ponder all this beauty in going to sleep.

Some Serious Cuteness {and a cookie recipe}

2011-09-26T19:52:00.000-07:00

My friend Sarah is a creative goddess.

She's always up to something quite amazing: cooking, baking, gardening, sewing. Oh, and she's a working mama with two kiddos. Hugely inspiring!

She made Theo and Sully vests this year to go along with their birthday party themes. Things of interest around here come and go, but these vests (and a cape with cuffs made for Theo) have not yet been exhausted. In fact, these pieces are somehow almost always incorporated into most play around here. Creativity at its best!

Soon, I think we'll be seeing a lot more of her as she'll have her shop on Etsy up and running, and I'll be sure to let you know when that time comes. In the meantime, you can contact me for her info and I'll pass it along if you'd like (thinking Halloween!) There will be vests, critter masks, capes and other goodies to spark a little one's imagination.

Last week, if I wasn't sitting back photographing these cuties and taking in extreme amounts of adorableness, I was most likely in the kitchen baking cookies. This recipe has become a "keeper" around here. I'm just going to share the link to the recipe because I think it's pretty perfect exactly how it is. I didn't substitute or change a thing other than using cherry rhubarb jam made by (guess who?) my friend Sarah.

{recipe here}

And one more seriously cute pic here:

***

Before I run off to eat more cookies and try to catch a few sweet critters, has anyone read anything really great lately? I'm down to my last few books on my "to read" list. I love food essay stuff, am becoming more interested in urban farming (loved Farm City and The Dirty Life), and I love all fiction except for mystery and sci-fi. Suggestions?!

Gaining Confidence

2011-09-22T13:09:00.004-07:00

We set out to do some late afternoon adventuring. The falling leaves my inspiration.

However, it was something else that caught Theo's eye.

I thought we'd just watch from a distance but he edged his way closer and closer until I heard myself say, "That's dangerous, bud. You need to get back and watch from here." He said he really wanted to try, that he's a big kid and he'd know what to do.

The mother in me wanted to protest: What if he got laughed at by the teenagers? How would that make him feel? Not to mention the thought of a severe injury made me queasy. But the aliveness in me pushed past my worries. Before I could say no, I took a deep breath and let him go.

The teenagers rallied, gave him his space, high-fived him when he'd ride up the side and slide back down. They said they'd never seen anyone actually in the park on training wheels before; they said, "Totally awesome, Dude!"

He beamed, the look in his eyes full of awe and the need for more.

When I showed these photos to my husband he was a bit shocked, said he wasn't sure if it had been him that he would've let him do it.

I shrugged my shoulders, aware only of the happiness it brought him, brought me.

A whole new world opened up to us on this day.

***

A Few Favorite Recipes

2011-09-20T15:15:00.003-07:00

Last night, I pulled the rest of my beans from the plants and then pulled the plants from our garden. I trimmed back the tomato plants, hopeful that what remains on the vines will ripen before our nights get too cold. The greens on my onions are beginning their tilt toward the ground - not only a sign that they will soon be ready to pick but also that our days which have been verdant and warm are winding down. Soon, the new light will be here. Golden and soft, a gentle intro for what's to come.

For now though, we are still enjoying our cucumbers and tomatoes which I mix together in a bowl and toss with goat's milk feta and a splash of green goddess dressing. A very simple salad.

Even though fall is settling in and we're using our grill much less, we're still savoring most dinners outside. Yesterday, to go with our simple salad, I made caramelized shallot chicken and roasted local fingerling potatoes. Paired with a glass of crisp chardonnay and my family around our backyard table, it is easily one of my very favorite meals. Soon enough, it will be enjoyed inside around our family table. And it will still be one of my favorite meals.

Caramelized Shallot Chicken
(adapted from David Lebovitz)

4 chicken breasts ( lightly pounded)
3 shallots, minced
5 tbsp. olive oil
5 tbsp red wine vinegar
2 1/2 tbsp. soy sauce
2 tbsp. fresh parsley, chopped (or 1 tbsp. dried)

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
In a large baking dish, place pounded chicken. Pour shallots, olive oil, red wine vinegar, soy sauce, and parsley over chicken. Sprinkle with salt and freshly ground pepper. Using your hands, turn chicken breasts a few times to coat.

Roast for 20 minutes then turn breasts over and continue to roast for about 15 more minutes (or until done). If you've pounded your chicken it should be cooked through by now and the shallots should be nice and caramelized.

Roasted Fingerling Potatoes

Wash and pat dry about 1 lb. fingerling potatoes. Place on a baking sheet and toss with 1 tbsp. olive oil, salt and pepper.

Put potatoes in the oven at the same time as the chicken. After 20 minutes (when you'll also turn your chicken breasts, turn potatoes and continue to roast until chicken is done.

To serve: Spoon caramelized shallot mixture over chicken and potatoes.

***

Now this is just a recipe for love.

1 little one
an invitation to join him in his bakery
for you he'll make
2 hot dogs and 7 biscuits
served with affection and giggles.

What's cooking in your kitchen these days?

Pointed in the Right Direction

2011-09-19T08:36:00.003-07:00

It was a lovely weekend.

Time spent with family swirled together with the most perfect weather. Farmers' market complete with flaky, buttery biscuit slathered in strawberry rhubarb jam eating; front porch dinners, pizza in the backyard; the little ones running under blue skies with marshmallow clouds. What could be better?

As if the sunny blue skies of this weekend didn't provide enough, I just happened to be crossing the tracks and I was alone with time. Mumford & Sons was blaring in my car, the roof open allowing wind to gush in and dishevel my self that has not been ruffled in such a way for so long. In an instant I turned the car around and headed back to the tracks. The smoothness of the paved road left behind as I pulled off onto rough gravel. I rolled up the windows, closed the sunroof, grabbed my camera, locked the doors, and did what felt right in the moment. I hopped the tracks.

My heartbeat went wild as I walked along the tracks, ran my hands over the mighty steel wheels all rusty and of a strength that humbled me. Slightly scared of what I might find, I peeked between the graffiti adorned cars only to find more wildflowers and blue sky and wide-open space. I crouched in the scrub to capture from a different point of view amongst coyote tracks and bees that seemed tougher than the ones that feast in my manicured yard. All the while I felt out of place but as my blood ran faster I could feel my life pulsing through me. How quickly I had forgotten what if feels like to take a risk.

I made my way back to the car. This time I didn't blast the radio. Instead I drove home in silence. In my rearview mirror I took one last look at the tracks. I drove away feeling like I had just gotten away with something. And I did.

Not only are supreme early fall weekends filling me up. My calendar has quickly filled with invites to photograph families. Last night as I sipped a glass of wine and edited photos not only of the trains but also of families that have invited me to come into their lives, to capture, I felt flattered and equally humbled. While catching a glimpse into one's soul might not be hopping the tracks, it's enough of the unknown right now to elicit the same strong pulse that takes over inside of me signaling that I am, indeed, on the right track headed in the right direction.

I don't believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.

- Joseph Campbell

***

Happy Monday!

Two Boys

2011-09-15T13:26:00.009-07:00

"Oh, you know, they're just going to beat each other up for the next eighteen years or so, and then they'll sit back, crack a beer, and enjoy life as best buds. You'll see."

"Boys have this totally different energy than girls. It's crazier, rougher..."

"Two Boys?!"

"Boys! Boys love their mothers. You'll see."

They brawl; they giggle; they brawl; they giggle; they brawl; they giggle...

One says poop, the other says butt, they refer to a toot as a blown tire. As in, "Sully, did you just blow a tire?"

And then they fall on the ground, belly's clutched, and laugh hysterically. Until they brawl again.

Theo is a perfectionist. He's very serious. His imagination blows me away. At two years old he started collecting outdoor power equipment product books from Home Depot and Sears. To this day you can bet one of his three bedtime story choices is going to include a manual of some sort - usually John Deere or Black and Decker, and we read them word-for-word even though I'd rather not. He screams when he gets hurt or is really upset about something. And no matter how many times I've tried to talk him in to a more effective reaction, he still screams. At night I rub his back, try to melt away some of that need for everything to be just so.

Sully wears gloves all the time. He's peaceful and generally happy. Letting things roll off his back seems to come naturally to him. Each night at bedtime he pulls "In the Night Kitchen", by Maurice Sendak, from the pile to be read, and usually we read it more than once in a sitting. He carries a green blanket but walks a tough walk. He's never had the back of his hair cut. I'm not sure there's a bone in his body that desires perfection, and if there is it is most likely related to kicking off his boots to scale a wall or tree quickly, methodically, perfectly, naturally. At night I rock him in my grandma's rocking chair because he still lets me. I stare deeply into his eyes and send prayers because in his spirit I can see me - the me who learned the hard way and more than once that not all things will easily roll off of your back.

They're two totally different people. Yep, they fight. But they also love on each other. They learn from each other. As I was told it seems they also love their mama. They drop in my lap at unexpected times, twirl my hair around their fingers. They hug me and kiss me for no reason. They've caused me to toughen up and to soften up, too. I like to think of them many years from now, grown and handsome, but mostly I like to think of them being kind souls.

"Sure hope you like mud!"

Oh yes! I love dirt. I love mud. I love my two boys.

Joyride

2011-09-13T15:24:00.006-07:00

I never in my life thought I'd say the beginning of fall for me means taking a ride on Thomas the Train, or spending an afternoon at the Colorado Railroad Museum: hundreds of kids running around kicking up dust, Diesel 10 tattoos splattered on arms sticky from ice cream's melted drip.

This is our third year in a row riding Thomas who comes all the way from Sodor (ahem). This is also how I've come to mark the calendar, this time of year when leaves turned gold will begin their slow sway toward the ground, which will soon be damp, and my dutch oven will need to be pulled out, dusted off to remain on our stove top for the upcoming months as week seek comfort, nourishment, warmth.

You know what's kinda silly? My little ones don't even really care about Thomas. But they do care about trains and railyards and the fact that Thomas and Sir Topham Hat came all this way just so the kids from Colorado could have a joyride. Who am I to squash that? Plus, my hubby says as I role my eyes, "Oh c'mon, we're supporting the train museum." That line, friends, is the reason we're supporting most museums in Denver with our annual memberships (ahem.)

***

More about comfort...I was craving coffee cake yesterday so I made this. Delicious! This morning we all had a piece; this morning everyone at our house was happy.

Also, I am currently reading this. If you haven't read it I highly recommend putting it on your "to read" list. Hilarious!

***

Good day to all. xo

Love and Light

2011-09-11T20:07:00.010-07:00

On September 11th, I was in Red Lodge, Montana. I awoke to the phone ringing, a family member's voice saying, "Turn your TV on."

Stunned. Numb. Even though I didn't know a soul in any one of the three spots. I didn't even know then how deep my love was capable of reaching, how painful it all must have been for so many. I felt very removed in Montana. Less than two months later I left the country - alone. People said you're not really going to fly are you? You're not really going to go to a different country by yourself are you? Actually, thinking back, I'm sure it was my Mom who said these things mostly. I get it now.

I watched an interview late last night, a wife who lost her husband in the first tower; her boys whom lost their father. I felt sick and sad, raw and nettled. Today, my entire being that was so far removed ten years ago is aching. Perhaps because today I am a mother who's love - as it turns out, goes beyond any depth I can possibly reach.

I still feel somewhat removed, even helpless. But I do know that I can hold my family tighter, love more, do more, be better because I am here, we are here.

***

This morning, before I was even finished drinking my coffee, I got to watch these two in the field, the sun up and fresh and shining just like them.

Along with our neighbors we had a yard sale both mornings this weekend. Just after I had set up today, Theo came walking outside dressed and carrying a step-stool, electric guitar, and his new yard sale buy - a boom box. This is a perfect example of the ways I'm learning about the depths of my heart. I have the very best teachers.

At the end of the day we didn't make much in the way of dollars but I walked away very rich.

We made it through our new first week of preschool. Huge Thanks for all the great breakfast ideas! I've got a list (a rather long list) of new recipes and I'm feeling confident that I won't have to keep shelling out money to Kashi via Target (even though cereal bars will remain a hit around here.) First up on the list: whole grain waffles with blueberry cream cheese and a bowl of fruit. Yep - I'm ready now. Bring it.

Even though in some ways I wasn't quite prepared, the first week of school made me realize what we have to look forward to : Sully's very own play dates with little ones his age. A music class that I think he's going to love. Time for just us. And for Theo, well I just know amazing things are going to happen for him. They already are. On his first day back I asked him what he thought. His words: "I didn't even cry, Mom. It was rad."

As for me, no tears this year's first day of preschool. You can read more about that here ...

***

So much love and light as we start a new week, a new year of remembering.

{this moment}

2011-09-09T06:34:00.000-07:00

A single photo to savor, remember. No words. Inspired by SouleMama

Adjusting

2011-09-07T14:12:00.006-07:00

The air is - dare I say it - chilly. Rain is falling, the beans in our garden have called it quits, cabbages planted in lettuce's place. We started a five-day-a-week school schedule in the morning! That is a big deal here you see because at this house we love our mornings. They are slow-going. Usually I bake something or cook. We sprawl out, and I contemplate how we will spend our day (always over a slowly sipped latte.) However, yesterday and today I flung cereal bars out, gulped my coffee, and did a headcount in the car before I took my place in line with the morning commuters and school buses.

This is not at all what I had expected - or maybe it's exactly what I expected. I'm still not sure because I'm still not fully cognizant of what's happening until it has already happened. I'll just say I'm adjusting. We're adjusting, and not just to a new school schedule but a shift - a change in seasons. Just like that.

While waiting in traffic this morning, I thought about summer being over. I thought about how this has been one of the best summer's of my life even though I am going through some of the hardest times. Life works in funny ways like that.

(this photo was taken by Theo - such a great little photographer!)

***

The winner of Barberry and Lace's key necklace is comment #7:

Jennifer!

Wow! Leigh's jewelry is beautiful. I am loving and appreciating "old" things these days. Right now I am loving that the boys are playing with my husband's "Matchbox" cars - some "series 1". The best part - none of them are stamped with "Made in China"; these were made in England!

Jen - I know where to find you! Just email me your favorite color. Yay! And a huge Thank You to Leigh of Barberry and Lace for being so generous.

***

Lastly, if you have a tried and true (and easy!) school morning breakfast recipe or ideas, please share. That way my little ones won't have to eat cereal bars five days a week and we'll all be thanking you.

Happy day, friends!

Not Just Any Old Key {and a giveaway}

2011-09-04T09:09:00.012-07:00

If you've been to a property closing, you may share the same feeling as me - it's not signing the ten pound stack of papers that sends sparks flying, it's being handed the keys, wrapping your hands around the keys and closing them tightly. In that moment you can already feel the space, feel its heartbeat aligning with yours.

On the ring of keys handed to me, one in particular grabbed me, spoke to me. It was a very old key, its edges rubbed smooth with a majestic patina, turned matte from time and use. The key, I was told, still worked. It was for the front door, the real front door, before a previous owner came along and separated the house into two apartments and added a second front door. Our new home was 107 years old (at the time we purchased the property) and I could already feel its life, deep and rich and grubby, nonetheless.

The first time I slipped the beautiful key in the lock, I let out an audible giggle to find that it did, in fact, open the door. Many months later, once we did inhabit the walls inside that old door, I would sit in the living room wrapped in a blanket while I sipped tea and stare out of the enormous single-paned picture window with a big crack in it and wonder who came and went through this house? How many hands, bony and old, young and strong, have held this key? Turned this key? Who's looked out of these old windows? Watched the seasons turn out on the leaves of the grand sycamore tree in front of this big old house?

It's been more than five years since Eric and I lived in that big ol' house just blocks from Washington Park. When we chose to leave there I was thirty-two weeks pregnant with Theo, a blanket wrapped around me, tea still in my hand.

That house made me fall in love with century old houses, old things, old keys, in general. The layers, the lessons - some beautiful, some entirely mucked up - all rich in detail either way.

***

When I came across Leigh's booth Barberry and Lace at the Sweet William Market near our new house a couple months ago, I instantly fell in love with her jewelry. Each piece - even though new - had a familiar patina to it. And then I saw her key necklaces. I bought two (yes, they are actually affordable!) For those of you who are locals, you can meet Leigh in person and see her amazing work. In the upcoming weeks, she'll be at:

-The Taste of Colorado: Capitol Hill, Denver; September 2-5

-Sunnyside Music Festival: 44th & Tejon, Denver; September 10

-Lucky Pearl Bazaar: 1757 S. Pearl St., Denver; September 11

-Firefly Handmade Market: 3390 Valmont Rd., Boulder; September 17-18

-Sweet William Market: 19th & Syracuse, Denver; September 24

{ image - Barberry and Lace}

And for one lucky Mama May I reader, Barberry and Lace is giving away a key necklace. Simply leave a comment between now and Tuesday. Tell me about something you love - new or old. Using random.org, I will announce the winner on Wednesday.

***

{this moment}

2011-09-02T07:56:00.001-07:00

Inspired by SouleMama.

Garden Notes

2011-09-01T08:33:00.000-07:00

My sunflowers have opened.
Wild ravers, the goldfinches their hallucinating lovers

I pulled what was left of the lettuce

harvested a lot of cucumbers

and I am learning

my garden is not neat and tidy

like most I see

it is planted a bit wildly

yet it still produces, feeds us

I see myself in the tangle

of assorted tomatoes

planted too closely together

laugh a little

at the terrible placement I chose for the zucchini
as if I didn't know it would wreak havoc

In a wild, early summer warmth kind of way I threw in
"last minutes"
not planned for, not given an official placement
which is just how I do things even though
I understand what the outcome will most likely be
which is not neat and tidy

As I slice a beautiful heirloom tomato and sprinkle it with coarse sea salt, I eat it
savor it
In my own way
thriving.

***

***

As for all those cucumbers: 12 jars of what I named "City Pickles" were made from a recipe I adapted out of an old issue of Country Living. And you? Any new garden (er life notes) to ponder?

***

The Salt Life

2011-08-30T22:46:00.003-07:00

Hello!

We are back home and I am full. Sun, heat, humidity, ocean breeze, color - softly hued, my littles born to the mountains even though each time we take them to the beach their souls seem to be made of sand and salt and shells and water shaded jade. To think I worried they would be all mountain, that they wouldn't be that part of me.

My family moved to Florida when I was 12 months old. The Gulf Coast grew me and when I finally decided to leave its sunny shores, I was 22. I didn't leave because I didn't love it. I left because I was curious, needed to know what else was out there. Since then, I've discovered {and lived} in quite a few places. I've searched and found and if there's one thing I know about myself for sure it's that the salt life is and always will be alive and well in me.

Needless to say, it was not difficult for me to take pictures on this trip. In fact, I captured 378 and I love every one of them. We traveled with family - 13 of us in all - so many pictures of cousins having fun, the littles loving on their Grammy. But here I decided to narrow down my selection of photos to give you the "feel" of our trip and the Florida Keys. I hope you enjoy them!

{The Florida Keys - Key West and Marathon (Duck Key) mostly}

Alas. Time to switch out of vacay mode and back into sending one little one back to school and having the other little one all to myself a little more. Yay for that! Life's good.

Reading, Listening, Making

2011-08-21T16:05:00.002-07:00

Tomorrow we are going on vacation - the kind of vacation where we'll swim in the ocean, build sandcastles, eat at crab shacks, lounge by the pool, eat big meals around a big table full of family. I'm hoping for some long walks at ocean's shore after the little ones go to bed at night, taking lots of pictures, and finishing this book I'm reading and loving.

My iPod will be blasting this tune which makes me want to sing loudly and dance and drink fruity concoctions garnished with a cherry and one of those little colorful straw umbrellas.

And since I feel a little bit bad about leaving everyone behind this week, I want to give you something: this scrumptious scone recipe that I've already made twice this week. My neighbor gave us Colorado peaches {don't be fooled - our state's Western Slope turns out amazingly delicious peaches}, and in addition to eating them whole with a cloth napkin on the side to wipe up the sunny sweet juices, I've been dicing them and throwing them into my scone dough. Yum!

This week, friends, I wish you Pumped Up Kicks moments, good reads, and many, many peach scones!

Ciao for now! xo

***

Peach Scones

2 cups all purpose flour
3 tbsp. granulated sugar
1 tbsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1 stick cold salted butter, cut into small pieces (*if using unsalted butter, add 1/2 tsp salt to flour mixture)
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 ripe peach, pitted and diced

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In a large bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, (and salt if using). Using a pastry cutter or your fingers, cut in butter until mixture is crumbly and coarse. Pour in heavy cream and diced peaches. Mix with your hands until dough just sticks together ( do not overwork the dough). Scoop dough with hands and form something of a ball (about 1/3 cup per scone) and slightly flatten. Place scones on a greased cookie sheet. Just before baking, sprinkle a little Demerara sugar on each scone. Bake for about 15 minutes or until just slightly golden. Eat warm and enjoy!

Right Now

2011-08-18T22:24:00.002-07:00

These past few weeks have not been my norm. There's been more work to do outside of my home and away from my family. There was the unexpected road trip to Iowa to care for my father whom I left in the care of Hospice. There's been feelings and emotions that I wasn't prepared to deal with right now. And I laugh a little about that, and feel deep sadness, too. Me, who thinks I know a thing or two about the right now.

Today, however, I had time to do anything or nothing. I had the opportunity to say "no" and clear our family's plate so we could do as little or as much as we felt like. I did say no, and we did both - a little something and some nothing.

I made sure our morning was lazy. I made sour cream pancakes. I caught up on some of my very favorite blogs and cleaned the kitchen {something I must do to truly feel relaxed.} And then I packed the little ones up for some adventuring. I knew they'd want to do something water related and I really wanted to take some artsy flower pics, so we headed to the Denver Botanic Gardens.

The littles frolicked in the stream while the sun beat down on us. I gazed at the brilliant blue sky {and wished for some shade}. We ate grilled panini's and drank ice cold strawberry lemonade in the cafe. We strolled in quietness through the Japanese garden. Slowly, like snails in the hot afternoon sun, we moved. Suspended against the beauty of blue sky like my thoughts, I saw the detail I was hoping to find. I captured then let go...

We spent the rest of the day home, playing outside with neighbor-friends and enjoyed. I cooked - fresh tomatoes, garlic, basil from our garden and white wine, smothered over grilled chicken with a smear of local goat cheese. We savored at our table tonight, all four of us together, instead of on our front porch where the kids eat and run. Tonight I prepared fresh peaches that I will bake in tomorrow morning's scones.

Now the little ones are asleep. I can hear the sound of the ocean - waves rolling in, rolling out coming from Sully's sound machine as I type this. Tomorrow I'm back to busy but it's okay because today I remembered. Next week we will be at ocean's shore where the rolling in and rolling out of waves will not be coming from a sound machine. And I will be washed clean once more.

This and That

2011-08-15T22:00:00.003-07:00

These days, they are so full.

The little ones have been running, laughing, swimming,

munching, enjoying, staying up much too late

The littlest little, oh so chatty now

makes me smile

For the oldest little, we recently solved a problem, sort of.

His neighbor pals have masks - he did not.

He was told he couldn't play with them if he didn't have a mask

so he ran home mad as beans and with tears in his eyes

Five minutes later he was back outside, passing me on the porch in a flash

I saw him - safety goggles and a ball cap; he made a mask on his own
{for that, I was so proud}

Even though

I didn't know in a mama-moment if I was going to laugh for him or cry for him because I knew

That night he asked me if we could please go to Target the next day and get him a real mask

I did do that for him

but what if I couldn't is still heavy on my heart and mind

The Black Eyed Susan's have flowered,

our landscape sprayed a vibrant yellow

If it's anything like last summer, this blast of graffiti is a sign

that soon

our tomatoes will ripen for the picking

Black Eyed Susan's - 3 ways

From the garden:

more and more cucumbers and beans

means pickles and pickled this week

I took an unexpected road trip last week

to deal with something that

causes me to pray

and my prayer is only this: help

And I rub these words like a salve into the core of my being

"Whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

- Mark 11:24

Driving Home - 30 miles outside of Denver - 4 ways

So much

love and light

to you

this week

Photographing a Newborn

2011-08-14T07:22:00.000-07:00

Eric and I debate once or twice {or more!} a month if we're really ready to be done adding to our family. Our biggest hurdle is that we're totally out of sync with each other on the subject. One month he's feeling more pros than cons to add to the list than I am. The next month I'm feeling it more than he is. We do agree that we'll seriously consider adding another little one if we are both on the pro side at the same time. Keep you guessing {us too!}

This month is a little on for me, and it didn't help that I went to photograph a four week old babe, deliciously sweet. What I do know for sure is that having the opportunity to be present behind the lens, capturing the real moments of a brand new family, sparks a light in me I never knew I had. One might call that passion...

You can view a selection of photographs from this shoot { here }

Just beware: if you're still not sure which way you lean on your list of pros and cons, you'll be adding a check to the pro side. :)

{this moment}

2011-08-12T06:27:00.000-07:00

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. ~ inspired by amanda soule

Happy Weekend!

Celebrating Sully :: 2!!

2011-08-07T15:18:00.002-07:00

I saw him yesterday, out of the corner of my eye. He was lying on the rug in the living room wearing nothing but his diaper, his blankie curled up around his shoulder and head just the way he likes it. He was singing Happy Birthday to himself. It was, quite possibly, one of the sweetest moments I've ever witnessed.

2!! How?! I know I've already said it, but really. Stings a mama's heart a bit.

His voice is pure sweetness; listening to him sing to himself a reminder to me. You see, he has only just turned two and his love and compassion for everything is absolutely infectious.

Sully! He loves to wear a glove - one glove. He loves to wear cowboy boots or snow boots over any other kind of footwear and no matter the temperature. He does not like to wear a shirt, and most times we do not make him. He is wildly passionate about animals and bugs. Just like Theo, he loves tractors - knows a John Deere when he sees one.

A few weeks ago I was talking to my friend Sarah about what to get Sully for his birthday. She said, "You don't need to get him anything. You gave him a brother - there's nothing better than that." If you saw how much Sully loves his brother... well, she was so right. We did get him some new boots since he'd outgrown his. Of course we gave him a party, too.

Oh to think of watching him grow this year. Makes my heart swell. I wonder if he'll slow down a bit?!

{this moment}

2011-08-05T07:43:00.001-07:00

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. ~ inspired by amanda soule

{Someone is 2 today!!} Happy birthday, Sully!

***

And, Random.org picked comment #4 as the winner of my 5x7 print

Baby By The Sea said...

"I sat in the back seat, still as a gator in the swamp... My body a sticky mess, my belly aching terribly from eating all those berries. " Love.
Do you really grow peaches in that snowy climate of yours?!? Front porch, peach; perfect.
Your photos are really blowing me away.

Jenn, I know where you live! A package is on the way.

***

Lots of love this weekend.... xo

Mama Talk

2011-08-04T14:10:00.005-07:00

One day last week, Theo had the saddest look on his face. I asked him what was wrong a few different times and he'd just shrug his shoulders and walk off. Later that day we had some quiet time together. I asked him again what had been bothering him and he finally spilled, complete with quivering lip...

Oh Mom, I just want to be a grown up so bad.

I asked him what being a grown up meant to him.

Well, I'd drive a big rig {insert the most enormous smile you've ever seen}, and when I'm not driving my rig I'll be driving my powerboat. I mean, mostly, I'll just be driving things. And don't worry Mom - I'll be living right next door and I'll just take such good care of you and dad, and Sully. You don't ever have to worry about not seeing me. Oh, and I'll drive our family in my big rig to Target.

I held him in my arms and softly whispered into his ear the same secret I remember being told when I was a child that wanted nothing more than to be grown up: Being a kid is way more fun than being a grown up. I promise you.

My promise was sealed with a kiss - a kiss that met his sigh.

I could hardly blame him for taking this as such uninspiring news. I never bought that advice when I was a kid either.

Sully will be 2 tomorrow. My littles just want to be grown ups. Now it is my sigh meeting their kisses.

Just a Mama talkin' here.

***

Yesterday we dodged town for 64 degrees and family fun with relatives in Vail.

Now I'm off to turn our house into a Ranch. Outlaw Sully's big day/birthday party is almost here!

Happy Day, Friends. xo

Living Simply ::: August

2011-08-02T08:41:00.011-07:00

"I have grown a vegetable garden my whole life - heck that was the only way we'd all eat. I remember folks thought that was so country! Now it's in style." - Loretta Lynn

****

So I decided that the skeets and I simply must coexist. Even though they eat us alive, I cannot imagine going without my daily dose of Dragon's Tongue beans. Almost too pretty to eat, I steam them then toss 'em in a bowl with magical butter sauce and a few crumbles of sheep's milk feta.

Magical butter sauce is our family's version of coating everything in cheese sauce, but better.

Peaches... they have arrived, sun kissed, perfect. We've been savoring them on our porch at night after dinner. I mix half a pint of heavy cream with 1 tablespoon powdered sugar and 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract. Whip until small peaks form; spoon cream over diced peaches and serve. But more importantly, sit back and watch your beloveds savor every sweet, sticky bite. This is how I take really good care of my family. So few things feel better.

And since we're talking magical butter sauce and peaches 'n cream, I mustn't forget to tell you about the strawberry freezer jam I made last week. When I was a little one, I'd go strawberry picking with my Grandma and Grandpa. I vividly recall this: driving over the Skyway Bridge, parking in a wide-open lot, fields of strawberries unfolding all the way to the horizon. The hot Florida sun pounded down on us. There were bees, hundreds of them, and I was afraid of getting stung. I picked anyway, and ate more than I picked, for sure. On the ride back home, back over that enormous bridge, I sat in the back seat, still as a gator in the swamp, while the air conditioner blasted my face. My body a sticky mess, my belly aching terribly from eating all those berries.

Always, the day after picking, my Grandma and I made jam. You know, it was really her who taught me what it means to take good care of your family. Even though I was only a little then and could not have realized that the sweet and simple ways she did things saturated every fiber of my being like a well used kitchen sponge that I would wring out in my own kitchen many years later.

And since we're talking sweet and simple and taking good care, that's exactly how I plan to spend each day of August for my family and myself. Laptop open less, front door open more. Harvesting and cooking and porch sitting late into the night with family and friends. We will camp out at the pool for the better part of the day, and when we get home the littles will nap and I will devour two novels I've been wanting to read. Oh, and how could I forget - this month we will meet far away family at ocean's shore.

August - the month for finding the quiet in between the doing. A month to be savored.

****

{ Strawberry Freezer Jam }

Wash and dry jars and lids

2 pints ripe strawberries, wash and discard stems ( 2 cups of puree)

1 lemon

4 cups sugar

1 pouch Certo liquid fruit pectin (Look for Certo liquid pectin on your baking aisle next to canning jars)

1. In a large bowl using a potato masher, hand mash strawberries until they are the consistency of a thick puree. Be sure and leave some chunks - you don't want a fine puree. Measure exactly two cups of puree and put in another large bowl.

2. In another bowl, measure the sugar (exact amounts)

3. In small batches, stir sugar into measured fruit puree. Let stand 10 minutes; stir occasionally.

4. In another small bowl combine 2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice with one pouch Certo

5. Stir pectin mixture into sugar/fruit mixture and stir until sugar is completely dissolved; about 3 minutes.

6. Pour into prepared containers leaving 1/2 inch space at top for expansion during freezing; cover.

7. Let stand at room temperature for 24 hours to set. Can be refrigerated for up to three weeks or in the freezer for up to 1 year. Thaw in refrigerator.

* Do not double the recipe to make more. This can ruin the setting process. I made the recipe twice for a total of 12 jars of jam.

***

As if this month isn't already so full, I'm going to start it off with you, dear readers, by doing a Giveaway!

For the first time ever, I'm going to give away a 5x7 print of this recent photograph I took. It's one of my very favorites and I'd love to share one with you. Comments will close on Thursday evening and I will announce the winner on Friday with {this moment}.

So tell me - how do you plan on spending this wild and precious August? Go!

{this moment}

2011-07-29T08:34:00.001-07:00

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. ~ inspired by amanda soule

Bittersweet

2011-07-27T20:53:00.001-07:00

Our garden is starting to really produce. But I must tell you, I have not been a happy gardener.

One word: mosquitoes. This morning I accidentally sprayed bug repellent in Sully's eyes (all-natural, but still.) Oh it was awful. He wouldn't come near me for almost an hour. More than once this summer I've seriously considered just letting the veggie and flower beds go. I've struggled with what it's worth to not be able to enjoy it. Yesterday I made a mad dash out there and grabbed as much as I could before those assholes ate me alive. Last night I steamed these beans and tossed them with butter, salt, and pepper. They were divine and totally worth getting twenty new bites, maybe even worth keeping up with the beds. Spraying Sully in the eyes...well, lets just say I didn't feel like grabbing much this morning after that horrific moment.

****

Luckily, Sully recovered.

I look at him right now and all I can think is how are you about to turn 2? It's amazing and wonderful and, like those pesky skeets, it stings a little, too.

Tonight I'm wondering where the bats are? And to think I thought it was ladybugs I needed to buy for our garden this year!

****

Hope you're having a great week so far with as few stings as possible. xo

Taking Steps

2011-07-26T13:41:00.000-07:00

Today I am asking my inner critic to quiet down...

Today I am asking my inner voice to get loud and shine...

...So that Today I can take new steps.

More about that here!

These Last Five Days

2011-07-24T21:53:00.005-07:00

One day a week I leave the house and go to my other job - work. This week I left the house for five days. Today I finished up my unusually long week at work which is wonderful for two very great reasons. The first reason is that I'm beginning to prepare myself for letting this work go. This week reminded me how important it is to be doing something you really love, and that outgrowing something you once loved is okay - maybe even good, healthy. The other great reason: You should see how pissy my hubby is. If you're wondering why I'm happy about that it's because he's fallen out of the routine of stay-at-home parent and by today - day 5 - I can tell that he got pretty worked over this week. It's good for him to remember how hard it is, good for all of us. I love him so much. We'll be just fine.

I had five lunch hours to myself this week. I spent most of my time at the bookstore poring over this book which I'm currently in love with, inspired by. Speaking of inspiration, I took some time to walk a few of my favorite downtown streets, capturing.

Tonight, back home, I'm glad to be wrapping up these last five days. They were good days, rough around the edges days, days that pointed me back on course.

****

Wishing you a lovely week...

Details and {this moment}

2011-07-21T22:57:00.002-07:00

Many of you have read these words by me before: I am the keeper of my family's stories. What I mean by that is I watch and listen and feel then I write, and not always here or even in my own private pages. Sometimes a moment is best written in your heart and tucked softly at the base of your throat - the hollow space that cuddles a locket perfectly. So many moments rest there, indeed.

I think of being the keeper of stories as being Present. This is the place where you see the watermelon juice running slowly down the corners of your child's mouth, dripping now down his hands and onto his bare tummy; you see it with so much love that now you can feel the sweetness as much as he can taste it. Or perhaps this is the place where your tangled morning of this and that gives way to a single flower backdropped by a blue sky, uncrowded, begging you to remember to breathe for life does not need to be so rough.

It is the place where we're most gentle with ourselves. It is the place from which we can give.

...click here to read more Details if you'd like.

****

{this moment}

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. ~ inspired by amanda soule

Cheers to being the keeper of your family's stories!

Happy Weekend, Friends! xo

A Clean Porch

2011-07-19T16:46:00.002-07:00

Writer's block moved in on me and despite my every attempt to unblock myself, nothing would happen. This morning I looked at the same photos I've been looking at for almost two weeks, hoping for inspiration and words to come. And then it happened. In an instant an idea came to me. I quickly opened my Today's Mama page and started typing away. Words flowed, feelings flowed. The photos inspired. {piece to publish soon}

I had finally swept off the porch that has been my cluttered mind.

To celebrate I decided to pack the boys up and head off to the park for our morning storytime instead of inside our house like most days. I also decided to take my camera - I've only taken a few photos since we've been back from our vacation and the twitches were starting to set in. Just as we were about to leave Theo asked me if we could bring the small camera for him, that he'd like to take some pictures too. Surprised at his desire and equally excited, I grabbed my point-and-shoot and we were off.

Not five minutes into our walk I knew we weren't making it to the park. It was so terribly hot. Sully was starting to cry and I could sense a huge heat-induced meltdown coming on. That's when I declared the very spot right in front of us - someone's very nice and more importantly shady front lawn as our reading spot. I hoped they weren't home, or at best didn't mind me and the Littles hanging out in their front yard. The Littles didn't seem to think there was anything slightly odd about parking it in a yard that didn't belong to anyone we knew - kids rock like that.

Stories in someone's yard, watching Theo take some of his first photos with such seriousness, a mind as clear and fresh as a clean swept porch, glasses of ice cold raspberry lemonade in the shade of our front porch once we were back home; I'll take today.

****

And now a few of Theo's Photos that he said I could share:

Not bad, huh?!

****

Happy Day! out there. xo

Growth is Change, Change is Growth

2011-07-17T08:23:00.009-07:00

If I had to choose a word of the week, this week I'd have two words growth, change (I'm sure you've noticed the irregular state of my banner.) You see, my hubby was out of town on a backpacking trip this week so I had much more time on my hands than usual. At night, after the kiddos went to bed, I went digging around on search engines and found blogs about blogging - what's popular, what keeps someone coming back to your site, the importance of your banner (!).

The more I dug around in this cyber-world of straight lines and hard facts, the more I felt like an unqualified blogger. For starters, I know almost nothing about editing html. My friend Nici tries to help me but there's one major problem - she's in Montana and I'm in Colorado. I learn best by doing rather than seeing. Still, I try. Line by line I do exactly what she says only to look at my blog again and not see a single thing changed for the better. Frustrated by my insufficient blogging self, I walk away and tell myself I'll try again later. But that's just one issue. After reading the experts' blogs of facts, I realized I had more than a banner problem. The facts alone about what keeps someone coming back to your site... oh my! For example, I read that the weekend is a bad time to publish posts due to low traffic. Well, I frequently post on Sundays because that's when I have time to write something without five hundred interruptions. And, in theory, I could wait to publish on Monday (er...high traffic day, that's a fact) but I tend to believe a little less in the blogging experts and a little more in these sage words from Annie Dillard ~

One of the few things I know about writing is this: Spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time. Do not hoard what seems good for a later place in the book, or for another book; give it, give it all, give it now. The impulse to save something good for a better place later is the signal to spend it now. Something more will arise for later, something better.

Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you.

I've started creating another blog (which I hope to reveal to you in the next few weeks.) I mention it now because that is why I goofed around with my Mama May I banner this week. I had some extra clip art and thought I'd give something new a try. But it didn't work. And just when I thought I'd go searching for a new photo to use, I saw my blog header with just words and space. Even though utterly plain as far as banners go, something about it grabbed me. The words of the experts rang out in my mind...so plain, a new visitor won't be compelled to stay much less come back, blah blah blah.

Last night, my hubby back home and by my side, I held my laptop up for him to see. "What do you think about my header being, well, not much of anything? Words, white space."
"Ya know, I really like it that way", he said.
I like it too.

In the end of my mind-boggling blogging week, what I've decided is this: Even though the experts imply that I should be changing (a lot!) to make this space what people seem to want in a blog, I'm not going to change. I do what I do here and I like it that way.

I will keep plugging away at learning how to edit html though. I will keep growing this space. But I won't change the banner again anytime soon. Promise!

xo

{this moment}

2011-07-15T06:10:00.002-07:00

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. ~ inspired by amanda soule

ps. Huge thanks for putting up with all of my banner changes as of late. Happy Weekend, friends!

xo,

Katie

Mama Talk

2011-07-13T20:16:00.000-07:00

This morning, just before 7am, I heard a tiny, sweet voice whisper in my ear. Mama, can you get up and come outside with me? I want to give you a fireworks show. My first thought was to say Okay, love, just let me fire up my espresso machine first. But I did not say that because I could see straight through his eyes into his spirit and he was shining. I crawled out of bed, threw on a sweatshirt and held his warm hand as we walked downstairs and outside to the tree in our backyard. He lined his fireworks up (lily pods that our neighbor gave him yesterday), did a countdown, then blasted them off. We oohed and awed and giggled. I thanked him for such a beautiful fireworks show. My pleasure he said. And that is how today started.

Sully is just a few weeks shy of turning two. He's such a dude, a dude with so much to say. He loves to walk up to me and shake my hand. While shaking hands he says Hi Mama. I'm Sully. Nice to meet you. He giggles and runs off. I smile, my heart does too.

Just a mama talkin' here.

Everything is ceremony in the wild garden of childhood. ~ Neruda

I Believe

2011-07-11T19:59:00.002-07:00

I believe

in not taking sides, fairness

in picking up a heads-up penny, every time

myself, now

I believe in

prayer

the power of positive thought

quality over quantity

I believe in

forgiving

allowing abundance, in all forms, to flow into my life

stopping to capture the beauty of a moment

because in the center of the moment

I am able to find light

that allows me to

keep finding my way

***

What are some things you believe in?

***

A warm welcome to a new sponsor - BitsyBug. I was instantly smitten and delighted to be able to share this family owned business with all of you. BitsyBug is a social deals site {think Groupon} specifically for your little one{s}. I'm looking forward to giving you sneak peeks of upcoming deals that I think are irresistible and hope that you will too.

Home!

2011-07-10T16:06:00.007-07:00

We set out Friday morning and after two very long days on the road, one little one who threw up all over himself in the car, three hail storms, and more cheeseburgers and milk shakes than I'd care to consume, we are happy to be home. Although I miss my family terribly already, we are very much looking forward to getting back into our summertime routine.

Still so many photos to edit but for now I'll share these photos that my hubby took from the backseat as we drove through St Louis. Here's one little secret about my man, don't ever ask him to take your picture. I promise you will not be happy. But hand him the camera when he's interested and he'll capture still life images that are captivating, inspiring. Before Theo and Sully came along we travelled quite a bit. One of the things we're equally passionate about is seeing the world (including as much of our country as possible). When we travel, his signature photos are of clothes drying on clotheslines. My signature photos are of fire hydrants. We've got years and many different places worth of these photographs. In the years to come I look so forward to seeing what Theo and Sully will find to photograph, what will inspire them as we continue to adventure on to near and far away places.

How about you? Doing any travelling this summer? Do you have one signature thing you love to photograph?

Back home and happy. Now there's so much to do and share...soon!